The Need for Self-Talk – Part 3

Self-Talk for Self-Esteem

Now that I think about it – everyone needs to hear the kind of encouraging Self-Talk statements that are presented as examples in by Shad Helmstetter’s book – What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. You really cannot leave the responsibility to be told that you are worth something from other people – this is a responsibility that only you can bear. Self-Talk seems to carry the potential to deliver that need in a simple and effective manner.

The Work of Byron Katie deals with the want for approval which is most definitely linked to a low self-esteem. You should question an anxious thought that says, “I need so-and-so’s approval – is it true?” When you reach the turnaround, hopefully, you will see that you don’t need that person’s approval. Nevertheless, I still feel that there is a need to somehow feel wanted, loved and special. This is where I feel Self-Talk could provide the answer.  I’m not entirely sure what contributes towards a good self-esteem, perhaps it is the encouragement and acceptance of others, maybe it is something you have when everything seems to go well in your life.  Whatever makes up self-esteem – it is something that we all need and I believe that positive Self-Talk could be the answer.  After all, you cannot allow the responsibility for your self-esteem to be given to someone else.

Cognitive Dissonance

I recently learned about the concept of Cognitive Dissonance: this is the reaction that the mind has to a new belief. I suppose it is this Cognitive Dissonance that explains much of the reason why the mind often rejects affirmations which try to instil new belief patterns: they are just not consistent with existing beliefs which are deeply entrenched in the subconscious mind. Self-help gurus and hypnotists have come-up with ideas to get around this, chiefly, getting into a relaxed state so that the conscious mind will not reject the new beliefs. Some New Age gurus have presented theories about programming your mind while you sleep or using subliminal messages.

By the way, I feel that The Work is probably the best method I’ve ever used in combating this Cognitive Dissonance, although, it often requires people to be willing to embrace a truth that they may not be comfortable with at first.

Shad Helmstetter argues against the use of hypnotic and subliminal methods with affirmations – he simply argues that conscious Self-Talk is the best method to use.

How to Create Your Own Self-Talk

Basically, you write your affirmations in scripts according to a given topic. There might be about 10 to 12 different affirmations in one script. Examples of these scripts could be, “Build Self-Esteem” and “Willpower and Determination”. Then, you either read these scripts to yourself out loud, or better still, you record them onto tape and play them back to yourself. Each Self-Talk statement should be either read or recorded to tape and should be repeated three times in the first person, followed by once in the third-person i.e. Three times as “I am…” followed by once as “You are…”.  I tend to just record each statement once – then copy the script twice so that I hear myself speaking the statements three times.

The book was first written in 1982, so it makes reference to tape recorders. Of course, nowadays you probably wouldn’t use tape: you would be more likely to use a CD or an MP3. I have started using a small, 1 Gigabyte MP3 player which I stopped using when I bought my high-capacity iPod. I now use this little MP3 purely for Self-Talk. The fact that it is very small means that I can literally carry it anywhere I go. If you use a good pair of modern, noise-cancelling headphones, you can listen to Self-Talk on the train or walking down a busy high-street. Cars now have MP3 players, pretty much as standard, so you can also listen to Self-Talk while driving.

The use of Self-Talk on MP3 is the most convenient way of using it. Through this method, I think a lot of people can quite easily squeeze an hour or two effortlessly re-programming their mind with positive beliefs, while they do other things. I don’t believe that Inquiry has that same level of flexibility. Perhaps persistent Inquiry can have the same effect of re-programming your mind – but it can often be difficult to find the time to do it on a consistent basis.

Self-Talk on MP3 can be applied almost anywhere – even when you are surrounded by other people. It is like having your own personal coach that you carry around with you in your pocket – ready to give you encouragement whenever you need it.

Shad Helmstetter writes in his book that after listening to his own Self-Talk scripts on weight-loss which he recorded onto tape – he lost a significant amount of weight in a relatively short period of time. Here is a video of Shad Helmstetter himself giving a brief introduction to Self-Talk (which includes his weight-loss story): Dr. Shad Helmstetter - "The Story of Self-Talk"