Thoughts just arise out of the subconscious mind and into the conscious mind – without us having conscious control over the process. We do not plan to think these thoughts – they often just appear uninvited. Trying to control these thoughts is like trying to control the wind with our bare hands – it’s hopeless! This is why the positive thinking movement, while well intended, simply did not provide the means of changing the way a person thinks. These thoughts, if they are stressful, will be the expression of a desire. This desire is what the Bible calls sin or the lower nature or the flesh.
These stressful thoughts will sound something like this:
- “I need…”
- “I’ll never…”
- “He shouldn’t…”
- “They should…”
- “So-and-so should appreciate me more…”
- “Why did I make that decision?”
- “I must…” or “I should…”
These stressful thoughts will be an expression of one or more of the core wants, as identified by the Sedona Method: approval, control, security, separation or oneness. Just by simply identifying the underlying want and either letting it go or welcoming it – we can experience immediate relief from it.
Typically, stressful thoughts arise because we want something, usually security or approval; or we want to control a situation by holding onto wanting the situation to be different than it is and by trying to figure out what to do (want for control).
A thought can come to us that we need a particular thing in order to be happy. The sense of being happy constitutes several things:
- The need to feel loved and approved of.
- The need to feel safe.
- The need to feel in control.
- The belief that we need to prove ourselves by doing something.
- The belief that we need to do something in order to be accepted and rewarded.
Releasing provides us with the tools that we need to simply identify the myriad of ways in which these wants express themselves; and rather than being fooled into trying to figure them out, satisfy them, suppress and resist them – we take the bold step of seeing them for what they are and letting them go.
Inquiry gives us the means by which we are able to shine the light of truth on the often deeply rooted beliefs that hold us captive to fear, anger, jealousy and any other emotion which hurts. Emotions such as anger, pride and hate might give the illusion of strength, but if we are honest, we will admit that they are stressful and painful and we would rather be free of them.
Byron Katie, the founder of the process of inquiry known as The Work, says that we should not make an effort to let go of stressful thoughts. Katie says that through the process known as inquiry, when we ask the four questions and the subsequent turnaround(s) – those thoughts which had plagued us in the past – simply lose their hold and let go of us.
It is tempting to simply jump straight to the turnaround: “Jane should love me more” becomes, “Jane should not love me more.” This statement can appear harsh if arrived at too soon. It is for this reason that inquiry is structured in such a way that when we reach the turnaround, we are prepared for it. The first two questions, asking if the statement is true, lead us quickly but gently into what I see as being the most powerful aspect of inquiry – question 3 and 4. Question 3 asks, “Who am I with that thought?” Question 4 asks, “Who would I be without that thought?” It seems that this powerful contrast between mindsets is the catalyst which provides the means by which these anxious thoughts are finally laid to rest - leaving us free to finally enjoy living life in the freedom of the moment.
