Affluenza

I had heard of the book by London journalist Oliver James, Affluenza, for a little while now. I had seen this book in shop windows and advertised on websites such as Amazon.co.uk. The word is a mixture of the words “affluence” and “influenza” – denoting a desire for affluence that is both contagious and bad for ones health.

You can read more about this book on what appears to be the author’s official website here. You can read a product description, reviews and buy the book on Amazon here.

In researching the book, Oliver James spent nine months travelling the world in search of answers as to why people in developed countries tend to suffer from anxiety and depression more than previous generations. The author suspected that there was a connection between a growing dissatisfaction in people and the incessant need to keep up with ones peer group in relation to status, money and possessions. Some of the destinations that James travelled to include Sydney, Singapore, Moscow, Copenhagen, New York and Shanghai. Despite obvious cultural differences, James noticed that there were shocking similarities in the way that the people continually aspired for more of what they did not have. The more they aspired – the more adversely affected they were from a mental and emotional perspective.

This book seemed to get a mixed bag of reviews on the Amazon.co.uk website. Some complained that it was not well written, others argued that the observations were just that – observations – and they could hardly be substantiated. Whilst others praised the authors work as being true-to-life and an engaging read. I could not help but feel that most of the negative comments were made by people who were already stricken by the “virus” (as the author puts it) and that they certainly had something to defend.

Personally, I found the book a compelling “read”. I’ve intentionally used inverted commas with the word “read” here, as I downloaded the audio version of the book from iTunes.

I’m certain that I have mentioned in a previous blog that I amassed a rather large number of books in the past, in my pursuit of principles and formulas that I believed would change my life for the better – I did this in the form of numerous self-help and “charismatic” Christian books.

On a side-note, I regret not having spent more time and money buying and reading the latest thrillers, like a John Grisham or Tom Clancy novel - but never mind. I recently got rid of most of my books, particularly the self-help and Christians ones, by either selling them or giving them away to a charity shop. From now on, it’s audio books for me. I only downloaded the book today and I’m already halfway through! Another great thing about audio books, besides the time it takes to “read” them, is that they take up far less space than their predecessors.

I enjoyed listening to Oliver James’ accounts of the different people that he met around the world, the way some of them were coping and adapting to rapid changes in the economy and attitudes towards money, possessions and careers. I felt that the book made a good attempt to highlight the disturbing trends towards global commercialism. It is a call for balance and an eye-opener in relation to what is going on around us and the way that it is adversely affecting people. James also backs-up his finding with some rather alarming statistics.

I find that the subject of financial prosperity in relation to self-help and Christianity is a rather difficult one. There tends to be an orientation in people’s attitudes that veer to either one extreme or the other. Personally, I have striven to establish a rather balanced viewpoint which is situation more-or-less in the middle of these opposing camps. If you are a regular visitor to my blog, you may indeed be acquainted with some of my viewpoints on this subject – I will certainly continue to express my beliefs about prosperity in future blogposts.

I recommend Oliver James’ Affluenza to anyone who is feeling dissatisfied with the rat-race and is seeking answers in this area. I feel that James does a good job in summarising what has been going on for some time now; I feel that it goes a long way towards reflecting my own personal beliefs when it comes to the disputed subject of global capitalism and consumerism and its cost on our overall quality of life.

The Sedona Method and Goal Setting

The thing I don't like about most self-help, goal-setting processes, is that they simply assume that the goals that you're setting yourself are legitimate goals which are coming from God, the Universe or your Higher Self. They do not seem to factor baseless fantasies into the equation. I will admit that I don't know much about The Secret or the Law of Attraction, but I would say that I do have quite a lot of experience in self-help in general. I have to say that the Sedona Method and The Work are the best self-help methods that I have ever used. The Sedona Method offers the practitioner success, but at the same time, it doesn't make all sorts of promises that you will have whatsoever you dream about.

It often hurts when we come to the truth that a lot of the so-called goals that we set ourselves are simply the expression of wants such as control, security, approval, separation or oneness. There are many single people, for instance, who long to get married out of a want for approval or oneness. Conversely, there are probably just as many married people who long for divorce out of a want for separation or control. I don't know what your goals are and I certainly don't know what your motives are behind them; but I do know that many of us have the same kind of wants and we often have the same kind of ideas of what will bring us fulfilment. I mean, who among us does not desire more money as a means of fulfilment? Not that money is wrong in itself - it is the want and motive behind it that is wrong. First Timothy 6:10 says, "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil."

The Sedona Method, I believe, is unique in that it presents primarily one single goal: imperturbability – not allowing anything to perturb you. The Sedona Method does not say that you cannot achieve success or that you cannot achieve your heart's desire. The Sedona Method does not attempt to dissect and analyse particular goals and to make black lists of what is right and what is wrong. But what the Sedona Method does offer practitioners is the freedom to enjoy life with or without the accomplishment of that goal.

We often become fooled in believing that we cannot be happy until we have actually accomplished a goal. Whereas, the truth of the matter is that we can be just as happy whilst striving to attain a goal as we can be when we have actually accomplished the goal. The Sedona Method offers the opportunity to allow practitioners to let go of the wants – wants which either give rise to the illusion of false goals or those things which are holding us back from attaining our genuine goals.

For a long time, it has been accepted in self-help circles that thinking about the accomplishment of certain goals, and desiring to have them, is the means by which they may be attained or accomplished. But this really does depend on the person's emotional state i.e. if they are in AGFLAP or CAP. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, and I can tell you, I can dream a lot and desire a lot about the accomplishment of all kinds of goals. I can dream big dreams - but that doesn't get me any closer to their accomplishment!

After we release on our goals enough, the goal changes from a want (a dramatization of lack) to a choice (an expression of completeness); from being hypnotized in a dream and getting frustrated by it, to actually taking positive action for its accomplishment. You come to the realisation that you are responsible to a great extent for what you experience in life, whether positive or negative, and you start steering it.

As for being passionate about a goal: there are all sorts of passions. A counterproductive passion would be pining for something and wondering whether you will ever have it. A productive passion would be feeling a deep sense of satisfaction and joy that the goal is already yours; a profound sense of having and gratitude for life's plenty, and the awe that the "goal" was so easy to accomplish and utterly inevitable.

The Law of Attraction and Financial Prosperity – Part 2

When an anxious person uses self-help or spirituality for the accumulation of wealth – they are allowing the core wants, the contraction around a thought (one and the same thing as far as I am concerned) to remain in place. Rather than deal with the want, the contraction around a belief, they instead proceed to try to attract or claim what it is they think they need. These needs are not limited to money – it can also be a romantic relationship or a specific job title and so forth. I like what Pastor Colin Dye says in his book, Mastering Your Emotions, in that people often seek to appease their wants through the pursuit of people, power and possessions.

I have noticed that even releasing is marketed, to some extent, through the use of extravagant testimonies of people who gained a million dollars or more “through releasing only”. Just check-out the home page for the Abundance Course/Release Technique and see for yourself. It’s hard to say whether this marketing approach is right or wrong – it’s none of my business really. I suppose it is difficult to market self-help and spirituality (even Christianity) without some striking testimonies that relate personal gain. I do believe that it is perfectly possible to gain a million dollars through releasing – but I would say that those people are likely to already be dealing with large sums of money – businessmen, bankers, stockbrokers or those dealing in real-estate, etc.

I don’t know about you, but I believe in predestination – what happens to you is already planned and you are following that plan. So I believe that it really does have something to do with the path laid out for you by God or “The Universe”. I do not believe that the average guy on the street can simply release his wants and then become a millionaire within a year.

Perhaps you are an “average guy on the street” and you do releasing or inquiry and you do become rich – that is certainly possible. Problems only occur when you get into a self-help or spiritual practice with all sorts of expectations, many of them rather outrageous (if you’ll be honest) – only to feel disappointed after a period of time. It is best to release, inquire and basically seek freedom – freedom from wants and worry. When you are free from worry, you position yourself in the optimum state for getting your needs met and living a prosperous life. When you think about wealth, relationships or whatever it is that you really think you need to be happy – you just hold onto the want and embrace a fantasy – a fantasy that may or may not become true. Then, anything that happens beyond that stage of contentment is a bonus.

I think if you would be truly honest with yourself – what you really want is to feel safe, to be loved and to be happy. I believe that the Christian message of grace, releasing and inquiry is the best means of attaining that goal.

When it comes to financial prosperity, there is so much more to it than simply working hard, being brilliant at your job or even earning a large salary. I have learned that prosperity has a lot more to do with how good you are at managing your finances, making good choices and saving your money when you should (rather than spending it on things you don’t need). There are some people who double their income, but then immediately double their outgoings!

Finances can never become something that you use to plug a hole in your life. It is for this reason that seeking contentment is the first step to living a happy and successful life. Otherwise, you end-up playing the “disappointment game” in which you use constant disappointment to be the thing that motivates you to achieve more and attain more in life. This path inevitably leads to a life of frustration, disappointment and misery.

I like the way that Byron Katie challenges the notion that people need more money: she says, “What are you going to do with all this money? We do three things in life – we stand-up, we sit down and we lie horizontal.”

The Law of Attraction and Financial Prosperity – Part 1

It would not be right of me to discuss the Law of Attraction without discussing the subject of financial prosperity. I find that what makes self-help and even spiritual methods so appealing to the masses – is the promise of wealth. There is a tendency for people to become disillusioned with the concept of wealth when it comes to self-help and spirituality to the point whereby they “swing the bat in the opposite direction”. In other words, people who feel let down by the extravagant promises made by self-help and spiritual teachers, often become their harshest critics. Personally, I feel that there is a balance that needs to be found and maintained when it comes to this subject.

In relation to the Law of Attraction, thoughts attracting circumstances of a like kind, I believe there is a great deal of truth to be found in this matter. However, I feel that we cannot simply take this concept, package it up and sell it to the masses as a cure-all formula. When it comes to affirmations, prayer and visualisation – you end-up attracting what you truly believe – more than what you actually think or say in that moment. You could make affirmations about wealth for five minutes – but then worry about money for the next couple of hours! If you are anxious about finances or any other area of your life for that matter, it will not do you much good to visualise yourself having what you want or claiming what you want from God or “The Universe”.

What I really like about releasing is that is simplifies things tremendously by identifying the root cause of human dysfunction as belonging to three core wants: approval, control and security. Freedom is to be found in knowing that you can let go of these wants – then letting them go. What often happens is that a person will hold onto those wants, will experience the pain of negative emotion associated with them, then will proceed to deal with the pain and struggle through claiming or attracting what it is that they think will make their life better, easier and more fulfilling. This often leads to the goal of having more possessions, and of course, money.

This is where the concept of releasing and the four wants comes into play: if you have wants in your life (approval, control and security), you are much more likely to make poor choices in life. The four wants can cause a person to focus all their time and effort in order to satiate the emptiness and desires that they have within themselves. If a person lacks a sense of security, they will attempt to make more money and get those things they think will make them more secure – even if it causes them to take potentially harmful risks. If a person lacks a sense of approval, they could end-up developing all sorts of bad habits in order to fulfil those needs: promiscuous sex, drinking, excessive eating and shopping (retail therapy), etc. In fact, a surprising amount of things that we do are motivated by a want for approval alone!

Inquiry has a similar take on prosperity to that of releasing: when someone is anxious they are contracting around a thought, a belief, that they cannot have a certain thing and that they need another thing in order to make things right. It is the classic play between lust and fear: fear says that you cannot have something, whilst lust says that you must have another thing or that you need something.

The Law of Attraction in my Own Life

I have certainly experienced the law of attraction in my own life: ever since I have known I have struggled with depression and anxiety and everything else that goes with it, such as lethargy and apathy. I can certainly vouch for the fact that negative thought patterns attract negative experiences. It seemed that one disappointment would occur after the other; this caused my anxiety levels to be high all the time as I struggled to come to terms with things in my mind and to try to figure out what was going on.

Attracting Opinionated People

I went through a period of several years when I seemed to attract highly opinionated people; these people were highly motivated in their jobs and would always be giving me advice that seemed to centre on working hard and achieving goals. But I noticed that these people were often proud, opinionated and argumentative – they would often complain, gossip, snigger and gloat. I would go along with all of this because I just assumed it was the way that life was meant to be; I assumed that life was competitive and that other people were to blame when I didn’t get the results and rewards I was looking for.

I came to see that there was something very wrong with this concept of effort-and-reward that I was so steeped in. But I would say that the prosperity and success teaching, much of it Christian, that I was obsessed with at the time, caused me to think and behave in this manner. Christian teaching on the subject of love showed me that there was something not quite right about my competitive attitude.

What alerted me to my wrong thinking the most was the way that it made me feel. I felt as if I was always anxious and grasping, never satisfied and feeling let down by others. I felt as if my efforts were never good enough and that there was always someone better than myself.

Escaping Self-Justification

When I tried to do a U-turn from my proud, competitive mindset – I found that some people turned on me and began to criticize me. It was at that moment that I realised how horrible this way of thinking truly is.

When I think about it now – I attracted those proud, competitive people into my life. Those people felt that they could express that attitude with me because I was likeminded at the time. If I did not have that attitude, I would have not attracted those people, but if I still attracted those people, there would have been little or no accord with them with regards to that proud and competitive mentality. As they say, “It takes two to tango.” I felt as if my own opinions and beliefs, even if I attempted to keep them suppressed, had an effect on other people. I believe that you can literally bring out the best or the worst in others, according to your own thinking.

I think one of the worst things you can do when avoiding conflict with others or negative thinking, is to resist it. When you try to argue with someone or you otherwise attempt to control them – it can cause inertia as two forces push against each other, keeping the tension in place. I am not advocating a weak and placid attitude – I am saying that it is often our beliefs and attitudes, and our desire to be right, that causes tension in relationships. There are times when it is simply best to just not argue with someone or to just walk away. I have tried to force my Christian beliefs on other people, whether they are believers or not, and it just turns into a predictable clash of egos with the same, typical responses from either side.

When I began to use inquiry, The Work, I was able to reflect on just how angry, bitter, opinionated and competitive I had been; how it made me think, feel and behave. I believe that inquiry can establish a profound turning point in someone’s life, as they come to terms with the way in which their thinking makes them feel and behave.

When a person’s sense of purpose and identity is reduced to performance and achievement – life becomes very stifling and limited. When I was with proud and competitive people, I would literally feel sick to my stomach: it just felt unpleasant and repulsive. I considered to myself if this was the way that I was causing other people to feel about me.

Thoughts Either Attract or Repel

Now, when I think back in my life, I can see why there were times when I would attract or repel other people. Our thoughts can either attract people or repulse them. If you want an idea of how your thoughts make other people feel, check on the inside to see how they make you feel; then, just take time to notice the way that certain people behave around you, how they welcome you, whether they warm to you or not.

I have a little theory, that everything we say and do is accepted by those we come into contact with according to how much love they have in their heart to accept it. Some people hate the idea that God “micro manages” every little thing we do. But I believe that God is big enough, omniscient and omnipresent enough, to be able to measure-out the love that we are afforded within every interaction that we have with other people.

Imagine loving the average person down the street as much as you do your best friend or spouse – it would not work. Relationships are controlled by love and love, I believe, is controlled by God. Love determines the degree to which we accept a person. We interfere with love when we hold onto our own beliefs and opinions about something or someone – when we get angry, criticize or hold onto a grudge. Our thoughts greatly influence the degree to which we accept others and life circumstances; whilst our thoughts also determine the way in which other people accept us.

You cannot make someone love you by simply changing your thought patterns. But I do believe strongly that the best thing we can do in order to experience love, as it is meant to be experienced for us, and to enjoy relationships to the full – is to release our hold on emotions and wants as they arise and to inquire into stressful thoughts, as they arise or as soon as possible after they do.

We might be tempted to think that judging others makes us feel justified or better than others, but it actually makes us feel angry and frustrated – inquiry allows us to tune into these reactions – not so we can make ourselves feel bad and feel guilty – but so that the awareness can allow the mind to let go of those thoughts by itself.

The Law of Attraction - Overview and History

I was recently pondering how much I believe in the Law of Attraction. I am sure that most people in the self-help and New Age communities have heard of The Law of Attraction. This phenomenon has been made popular in recent years by Esther and Jerry Hicks who claim to have received revelation from a discarnate entity named Abraham. I used to believe in discarnate entitles such as guides, but now as a Christian I tend to believe in angels and evil spirits instead.

I believe the Wikipedia definition of The Law of Attraction provides a basic overview of what it is and provides a brief history of it. There is quite a lot on the internet about this subject: if you Google the term “law of attraction” it will return a lot of links. I found this link near the top of the list of results returned, which I feel gives a rather good overview of the process. I think the official website for the Law of Attraction is found here.

It might surprise some people to learn that The Law of Attraction is not something that is entirely new: the concept of like-attracts-like and that the thoughts we think continually are what determine our life experiences – has been around for some time now. I was first switched-on to this concept back in 1993 or 1994 when I read the book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr Joseph Murphy (1898-1981). You can read a brief description of the life and works of Dr. Murphy here. Apparently, Murphy wrote his first book, The Miracles of Your Mind, in 1953; he wrote his third book, the classic The Power of Your Subconscious Mind in 1962; so you can see that this concept of law of attraction is not entirely new.

The Wikipedia definition of law of attraction makes mention of author Napoleon Hill who in 1937 published his classic book Think and Grow Rich. This book emphasises the concept that our thoughts attract other thoughts of a like kind and that success and prosperity in life is to be found in controlling our thoughts. Some people believe that the underlying message in this book points us towards the law of attraction.

Frustration, Bitterness and Religious Abuse

Ever since just before the start of this year, I have been listening intently to the Free Believers Network into the Wild podcasts. After years of frustration in the Christian church, these podcasts came as a welcome relief from all the hype and the false promises. I truly felt in my heart that I needed to listen to every single one of these podcasts; otherwise, I would go crazy!

It seems that for some people there is something that draws you towards the church and you get a revelation that God really does exist and that He sent Jesus to earth to save your soul. But rather than being drawn into a deeper revelation of Christ and His love for you – what seems to happen is that you get whisked away in a whirlwind of religious tradition and legalism which is made palatable by the use of incredible, one-off testimonies and extravagant promises which seem to make the miraculous seem as if outlandish and lavish blessings ought to be everyday occurrences.

It seems incredible to me now how Christians can become swept away in an unreal existence that really does not work – all in the hope that they will become the next Billy Graham or Katherine Khulman.

I really love listening to the Free Believers: Into the Wild podcasts because the hosts are totally down-to-earth, realistic and honest. It seems that in the church people are trained to act is if they are someone they are not and give the impression that they are blissfully happy and they never get angry. The hosts of this podcast down go all-out to bash the church, as such. No, these hosts truly have a genuine love for God and for people; it is not about slandering and criticizing the church – it is about discussing what they have experienced personally in an open and honest way and what really works.

In one of the latest episodes of this podcast, “Depression Uncaged” 3rd March 2010”, the hosts discuss that subject that is so dear to my heart. When I heard this podcast, as well as some past episodes, I was struck by the way that the hosts of the podcast seem to have had a similar spiritual journey as me. Furthermore, these people had suffered, and continued to struggle with, depression and anxiety. This made me consider the way in which institutional Christianity really does screw around with your mind.

One of the hosts, Aimee Dassele, spoke about the way in which guilt is often a factor when it comes to depression in the life of a Christian. This guilt applies pain on top of the pain that already exists. It seems that the depression is often compounded by a sense of guilt because of the depression. The church seems to convey the impression that every believer should be blissfully happy all the time and that if they are not, then it is their own fault because they didn’t pray enough, they lack faith or their in sin in their life and so on. Such convictions can cause a Christian to engage in all sorts of practices, fads, formulas and principles.

In this podcast message, the hosts were saying that you should embrace your highs and lows, which you should learn to live with depression, not trying to resist it or change it and certainly not being ashamed of it. I like this line of thinking because it is gravitating towards the concept of acceptance as practiced by those in the releasing and inquiry communities.

The main host of this podcast, Darin Hufford, said that he did not want the typical, patronising (but otherwise well-intended) replies, such as, “Just give it to Jesus.” I know, I’ve heard these kinds of statements a thousand times and it really does frustrate a person. It seems that the church has an answer for everything: if you are sick, you are to pray a certain way and “stand” on certain scriptures. If you are struggling financially, it is because you need to do this or that. But when it comes to depression and anxiety – I don’t think the church really has any answers. It is little wonder that many depressed people in the church are referred to secular counsellors and Psychologists.

I believe that releasing and inquiry can provide the framework and the tools for facilitating recovery for those who are struggling with depression and anxiety – regardless of their spiritual or religious convictions. Releasing and inquiry can provide a way of help for those who are recovering from religious abuse.

Something that Darin and Aimee raised in this podcast episode was the way in which depression and anxiety often go hand-in-hand – I can definitely, personally vouch for that! It does make me wonder what comes first: the depression or the anxiety. I find that when I felt gut-wrenchingly empty on the inside – I get anxious; when I get anxious – I feel unhappy – there is a definite connection.

Releasing provides the tools to accept the emotions and thoughts you feel in the present moment – knowing that this acceptance is the best way to let it go so that it evaporates. Releasing is so deceptively simple, and yet, so effective. If you have not yet experienced releasing – I would encourage you to purchase the basic releasing course, in book or CD form, via the Sedona Method or Release Technique (they are both very similar).

Inquiry is a wonderful way to tune-in to the thoughts and emotions that are part of you, so that you can become consciously aware of yourself. This is not to be confused with guilt, shame and morbid introspection: this is a means of questioning your most frightening thoughts and discovering for yourself that they are not true. Inquiry allows you to experience life with the thought, and than, life without the thought. Before naturally and peacefully reaching the “turnaround”. So, if you think to yourself, “I should read my Bible more.” The turnaround would be, “I should not read my Bible more.”

The hosts of the Into the Wild podcast express the notion that you should feel bitter and angry if you have experienced religious abuse. I agree with this, however, it does bring me back to the connection between anxiety and depression: these hosts are still experiencing depression and anxiety, by their own admission. So, why are these hosts still experiencing depression and anxiety?

I believe that the Byron Katie perspective of contraction around a thought comes to the fore here: religious abuse will most certainly result in contraction around a thought, “I should not have paid tithes to that church” or, “My pastor should not have lied to me”, or “I should not have been so gullible”, and so on and so forth. Whatever anxious thoughts arise, down stuff them down and repress them, but release them (using Sedona Method or Release Technique) and/or question them using The Work (also known as Inquiry). When you question a stressful thought and come to know it is not true – its grip on you loosens and you experience a sense of relief from that thought. Holding onto a bitter grudge often seems compelling, as if justice would not be done otherwise, but it ends-up hurting us much more than the other person – so is it really worth it?

Ultimately, Byron Katie’s notion on arguing with reality must be taken into consideration: if you argue with reality you will lose – but only one hundred percent of the time. You might have experienced abuse in the past, religious abuse or otherwise, but holding onto it, feeling guilty, angry and ashamed – won’t help you one bit. Use releasing and inquiry to find peace and freedom – regardless of what did or did not happen in your life.

If you are recovering from Christian, religious abuse – I would recommend that you listen to the Free Believers Network: Into the Wild podcasts – they are not a teaching, as such, but a discussion. I believe that this discussion will bring you a tremendous amount of freedom. I believe that victims of religious abuse can end-up “throwing the baby out with the bath water”: just because you feel hurt and deceived by the church – it does not mean that God does not love you and that Christ is not real to you today.

Asking for Wisdom and the Need for Right Motives

This blog entry continues from the previous entry: How the Mind Works in Relation to Fear and Lust.

James 1:5 says that a Christian can ask God for wisdom.

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

James 1:5 nkjv

I have personally wasted a lot of time and effort asking God for wisdom without any positive results. I believe that the reason for this lack of success with this kind of prayer is linked with James 4:3.

¹ Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?

² You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask.

³ You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.

James 4:1-3 nkjv

Wrong motive is the reason why asking God for wisdom, as recommended in James 1:5, does not work for us.

As I discussed in my previous blog entry, Christians become convinced that they need all sorts of things.  They then proceed at once to ask God for the wisdom of how they can attain the success and prosperity that they believe they need. But they get no response from God because these things are sought after with wrong motives. This leads to Christians feeling powerless and rejected by God. God cannot be controlled with formulas, fads and gimmicks. Non-Christians use positive thinking and affirmations to attract what they want from the Universe – but it only leads to frustration.

Even wisdom itself can become a goal that people earnestly seek after. I learned years ago that wisdom and favour are the keys to achievement in life – this is something that is taught in the charismatic church as well. The Christian Word of Faith movement asserted that Christians can have any promise that they find in the Bible. Kenneth E. Hagin wrote in some of his books about the way that he prayed according to Daniel 1:17-20 that he could have wisdom and favour. Hagin reported that he became the brightest student in his class (he prayed this when he was at school) and developed a photographic memory. I felt that I could do with some of that, so I tried to pray the same way – it didn’t work! My efforts came to nought because I was seeking wisdom so that I could gain power, possessions, and a sense of security, significance, self-worth and the approval of others. If I had used inquiry – I would have come to know that I did not need this type of wisdom. This does not mean that we cannot or should not have wisdom – just that we ought to question our motives to seeking it – especially when such desires cause us stress.

Whether you are Christian or not, even if you don’t believe in God, you can ask basic questions to your subconscious mind and receive an answer. Some aspects of releasing operate on this basic principle. For instance, when releasing a want you can ask whether it comes from a want for approval, control or security. Inquiry relies entirely on this concept of allowing the heart to respond to simple questions posed by the conscious mind. Many people are either unaware of this concept or they just simply misuse it by asking irrelevant questions. This is the type of wisdom that we should seek and we would find it available to us if we seek it.  For this reason, I wholeheartedly endorse releasing and inquiry because these methods provide a framework that enable a person to seek wisdom with the right motive of finding peace in the moment.

Yes, I do believe that God loves us all and wants to bless us – but our motive for seeking wisdom must be so that we can become self-realised and find genuine and lasting peace. It is only from a place of peace and a sense of security, that a person can truly know what is right for them, what they really need and how they can attain those things. Byron Katie says that we cannot help but become prosperous when we are mentally clear, because a clear mind can make the right decisions. What I find is that when I see a fantasy for what it really is – the desire for it just falls away. Not every desire is a fantasy, of course, but only grace, releasing and inquiry can reveal the truth to us.

How the Mind Works in Relation to Fear and Lust

What often happens is that a vague want for approval, control or security arises from the subconscious mind. This is accompanied by the corresponding emotions. The mind anxiously searches for a solution to the problem – it has to because it is experiencing pain and feels that the solution can only be found through thinking about it.

In the case of a want for approval, the mind may come to the conclusion that you need more friends or for someone you know to respect you more or you need to have a romantic relationship. If you are a Christian you might hold onto the belief that you need to get more involved in church activities or even that you need to get into full-time ministry. If it is a want for security, you might believe that you need a bigger house or that you need to have more money.

Sometimes anxious thoughts arise when triggered by a particular event. For instance, the news comes on the T.V. and tells you about how bad the financial markets are performing – so your response is, “I should never have bought those stocks.” Perhaps you’re waiting for a train to arrive at the station and it does not turn-up – your response could be, “My train should not be delayed.”

A lot of the time, anxious thoughts just arise when we least expect it and for no apparent reason. When anxious thoughts do arise – we can meet them with inquiry. An anxious thought is the result of contraction around a belief or idea. We do not ask for these beliefs neither do we make conscious efforts to establish them. In his classic book, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, Dr. Joseph Murphy, likens the subconscious mind to an old, light-sensitive, photographic plate: it gains impressions through the lens, likened to the five senses.

We often do not know what beliefs have been established in the subconscious mind – until we feel the pain of contraction around a thought and we become consciously aware of a certain thought which causes us stress. Oftentimes, these impressions that we gain via the senses lead to some ridiculous and inhibiting beliefs being established. It is the role of Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy to determine the source of these beliefs and to dispel them.

One of the most famous Psychologists, of course, is Sigmund Freud. One of Freud’s most famous cases is the Story of Anna O. Anna O. was the pseudonym of a patient of Josef Breuer- her real name was Bertha Pappenheim. This woman developed various disorders, many of which were cleared-up when she recalled seeing a woman drink from a glass that a dog had just drunk from. This even had led to a sense of disgust that triggered other disorders. Inquiry, I believe, can facilitate this process of dispelling long-held beliefs that limit our lives – much in the way that Psychology does. Inquiry can either be facilitated with, unsurprisingly, a facilitator; or, inquiry can be performed by oneself, because the answers can only be found in the individual.

Fear says “I can’t” or “I’ll never.” These beliefs basically limit a person’s life experiences; it is like shutting down areas of a person’s life. Strict adherence to religious teaching can cause this kind of fear. The mind often seeks to counteract the limitation caused by fear by trying to instil false hope through fantasies. If a door in front of you is closed, so to speak, the mind will try to open a door that is to the side of you – even if that door is closed and has no relevance in your life. Perhaps you are meant to go thorough the door in front of you, but fear prevents you from doing so.

The mind works through association: if you see someone who is happy and well-liked, you might assume that the reason is because of his material possessions, his pretty wife or his ability and achievements. When the mind establishes such beliefs, it may then be driven to pursue those things in the belief that they will meet your needs and make you happy.

When a person adopts a self-help or spiritual method that promises the attainment of what you want – these fantasies become your goal. Unfortunately, self-help teaching and Christian faith and prosperity teaching has taught us that the pursuit of these things is good, right, possible and even Biblical. I believe that it is good for people to prosper, but the Bible says that we should not actively pursue wealth. Why? Because straightaway it causes stress and all sorts of unpleasant things to happen. This is something that is also recognised in releasing and inquiry which argue that we should seek peace and freedom above the attainment of success and material gain.

Byron Katie says that if we want to suffer on purpose – get a plan. Eckhart Tolle wrote a bestselling book, The Power of Now, to deal exclusively with the necessity of keeping our minds on this present moment in time. As soon as our minds gravitate towards the past or the future unnecessarily – we suffer. Gerald Jampolsky also asserts the same notion in his classic book, Love is Letting Go of Fear.  By the way, I found a website with some great quotes by Gerald Jampolsky here. I feel that these quotes express the heart of this wonderful man.

The Intimidating Person Clean-Up Process

You can use the following list of releasing questions whenever you feel stressful about an intimidating person:

• Could I let go of holding onto, and agreeing with, _________’s judgements?
• Could I let go of resisting _________’s judgements?
• Could I let go of wanting to disapprove of _________?
• Could I let go of wanting _________’s approval?
• Could I let go of wanting _________ to be different?
• Could I let go of dreading _________?
• Could I let go of wanting to figure out what to say to _________?
• Could I let go of wanting to be separate from _________?
• Could I let go of wanting oneness with _________?

I find this works wonders for me when I think about, or have been in contact with, someone who is annoying and controlling. You could call these questions an alternative to the clean-up process in the Sedona Method and Release Technique.

Dealing with Loneliness

I went to my church on Sunday, Hillsong London. Pastor Tim “Segs” Segedin, preached on the subject of loneliness *

This is a subject which is relevant to me because I have struggled with loneliness for quite some time now.

Pastor Tim gave a convincing presentation on loneliness, providing striking statistics, particularly in relation to London. London, it seems, is particularly akin to this modern day malady: simply going by the amount of single occupant dwellings is compelling evidence in itself that London can be a very lonely place to live. Apparently, researchers have found that about twenty five percent of people in London experience loneliness to a degree that significantly affects their life.

This church’s solution to this dilemma is to simply make an effort to get more involved in the life of the church. I have attended about five different churches during my 15 years or so as a Christian. But no church I have ever been to has ever compared to Hillsong London in terms of its slick, professional image and the servanthood of the people who make a lot of effort to make the church what it is. Most of all, the people who go to this church are not the typical geeks you would expect. No, the people who go to this church are just normal people who are cool to hang out with. The sheer size of the church and its popular location, make it a place where you can meet a lot of like-minded people and get involved in a myriad of different activities. This is why the vision of this church to become a thriving community of people who interact with one another in a meaningful way, seems to be such a tangible goal. During the service, a young guy stepped up onto the stage and gave his testimony of how he became involved with the church and has developed some really great friendships by meeting in home groups. I have to say that I was very impressed with it all.

But what I struggle with, and have always struggled with when it comes to church, is the way that a sermon is presented in such a way as to put the onus on the hearer to do something. The church has always attempted to make spirituality, a relationship with God and a successful life into a series of steps, formulas and principles that a person can follow. But I have found that this tendency with religion and self-help is a rather misleading path: principles can become a subtle manifestation of the Old Testament law of following rules and regulations.

The New Testament is a completely different system of simply resting in Christ’s finished work. It is tempting to try to take control over your life by making a list of actions that you can take in order to make your life right. When it comes to living the Christian life – it is all about knowing that you are loved by God and living your life from that love. Anything else is self-effort and is a deception. Despite this, it is difficult to say that this pastor’s message on loneliness is untrue or that it is irreverent. This message does challenge a person to come out of their comfort zone – but it also puts pressure on them to do something. But I don’t think it is a matter of being encourage to “do something” that is the issue here. I have tried to do something about my loneliness several times, but it has simply led to me trying to socialise with people when my heart was not really in it – which is very frustrating.

From around the start of this year I have been listening to The Free Believers Network podcast Into the Wild. The main host of this podcast is a man by the name of Darin Hufford who used to be a pastor of a big mega-church in Los Angeles called The Dream Center. This podcast is radical and seeks to challenge the way in which we approach church and Christianity. Darin Hufford asserts that everything to do with the institutional church, including the relationships, is a false environment and does not work.

I’m inclined go along with what Darin is saying, according to my own experience. But I have to say that when I look around me at Hillsong London, I see some people enjoying some really great friendships. But what the church tries to do is to create a one-size-fits-all solution that everyone can apply to their life – but I don’t think it works like that. What we Christians often seem to neglect is the need to interact with people in our day-to-day life, outside of church, the majority of whom are not Christians! This is a topic which Into the Wild often brings up.

Just like any other important need in a person’s life, I strongly believe that the contrast between having great relationships and struggling with loneliness – all boils down to how secure a person is on the inside. It is all about the nature, the heart of a person – this is what affects every area of a person’s life. The more secure a person is, the less they focus on themselves and the more they focus on others, and vice-versa. But I don’t think we can simply make this into a principle by simply telling people that they ought to focus their attention less on themselves and more on others.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” The New Living Translation says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” Galatians 5:14 says, “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Christians believe that there are all sorts of rules that you must keep. But there is only one – that we love others as we love ourselves. But what often makes it difficult to love others is that we do not love ourselves.

Loneliness is the by-product of selfishness. Unfortunately, selfishness is often used as an accusation which is levelled at someone who struggles with relationships. But in actual fact, selfishness is simply an obsession with self: it is focusing anxiously on ones own life with a means of controlling what a person does and how they feel. Selfishness ultimately comes from the heart of a person who is insecure – no matter how strong and independent their character might appear to the outside world. I believe that the subject of loneliness, or any other human dysfunction for that matter, could be better dealt with by keeping this focus in mind – rather than trying to whittle it down to a series of steps or a set of principles and formulas – no matter how reasonable or “doable” they might seem.

From a releasing perspective, as always, relationship struggles, including loneliness issues can all be summed-up as arsing out of the four wants: approval, control, security, separation and oneness. From an inquiry perspective – loneliness is caused by contraction around a thought. In reality, such social disorders are often the result of contraction around a whole series of thoughts and concepts. It is this contraction around beliefs that makes a person insecure. As we progress with releasing and/or inquiry – we begin to let go of those thoughts that keep us bound.

* Hillsong London, Tim Segedin, Sunday 28th February 2010 - 3.30pm - Relationships are vital

Photo One Man in Trafalgar Square by Ferminius