Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 9

The Illusion of Control

Probably the greatest appeal of affirmations and goal-setting is the illusion of control. There is something positively enticing about the feeling of being in complete control over your life. I know what it is like to be a neurotic, to anxiously crave control over your life. I know what it is like to be confused, disorganised, for seemingly everything to go wrong and to want some degree of control over what does or does not happen in your life. But little do people realise that it is quite often this desire for control over our lives which compounds anxiety and makes it worse.

There is something wonderfully liberating to cease from your efforts to control every little aspect of your life and just allow life to unfold naturally in its own time. But I understand why anxiety sufferers struggle with this notion: it is frustrating when you forget things on a consistent basis, when nothing ever seems to go the way you want it, when you always seem to be confused and disorganised and when you always seem to be late for appointments. But I think it is important to get to the underlying symptoms which are causing these issues, rather than trying to gain absolute conscious control over your life.

Even if a person possess a good, solid, confident character and they are well organised – it does not mean that they have complete conscious control over their life, that bad things won’t happen to them, that they always get things right and they will always on time for appointments. We all make mistakes in life and learning to live free from anxiety requires that we accept ourselves just as we are and allow ourselves to make mistakes.

Goal setting can be seen as a way of regaining conscious control over your life: you could identify an area of your life that needs changing or something that you desire, and then you just set a goal and achieve it. But life is hardly ever that simple and straightforward. I do believe in goal setting to an extent, but more than anything I believe in allowing life to unfold as it does and being able to cope with whatever eventuality that life throws at you.

I believe in simple and realistic goal setting, but I do not believe in attempts to gain perfect conscious control over your life. Rather than seeking to control your life, I would be inclined towards making efforts to improve organisation skills, memory, concentration and self-discipline. When you read or hear affirmations which state that you are in control of your life, I would be inclined to see these as being more in line with the list of attributes I mentioned previously, rather than meaning that you can simply direct every minute detail of your life.

Rather than attempting to control my life through the attainment of some future-based goal – I tend nowadays to focus my attention towards the attainment of peace of mind and contentment in the present moment; as well as developing a solidness of character which constitutes confidence, self-esteem, self-discipline and common sense. Whilst I struggle to accept the notion of complete conscious control over ones life – I am inclined to believe that a person’s life can be directed towards success, prosperity and fulfilment through positive thinking, sensible goal setting and actively embracing reality.