Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 11

Mechanical Goal-Setting

I went through a phase of goal setting when I was really quite depressed, lonely and trying to find a sense of identify and purpose. I thought that I could just create a list of things to achieve that would signify that I am going places with my life, and that would lead to my eventual happiness and sense of achievement. But what really happened was that I felt like I was mechanically doing things just for the sake of achieving something. I often felt that I was trying to force myself to do things that I thought I wanted to do; but for some reason, I didn’t really want to do those things in my heart.

I suppose what I’m trying to get at here is that you can end-up trying to make yourself do a whole bunch of fairly trivial stuff – while you are missing the most fundamental things in your life. A good example of this would be setting yourself a goal to visit some exotic place, perhaps you want to go on a safari to the Serengeti in Tanzania. You could have the time, money and equipment to go – but if you don’t have love in your heart, it could be an empty experience. Without love, you could just feel as if you are going through the motions, doing something for the sake of it.

If this is the case with you – consider what it is that you are missing in your life. Ask yourself why you are unhappy and unfulfilled and consider whether your list of goals will really fill that emptiness within. It is important to consider the motive behind every goal you set for yourself. We often feel pressured into doing things we don’t feel passionate about; because we feel that we are expected to do them. When it comes to setting goals, it is important to do what is truly in your own heart, rather than feeling pressured by other people’s expectations, fads and trends.

There are so many factors which determine inner happiness – good relationships for instance, are a vital part of a balanced, happy life. What is the point of going somewhere fascinating and exotic – if you are just going by yourself, without someone you love?

This is why it is so important to use inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie. There are so many things in life that we think we want and need – it is only when we question those wants that we find the wisdom within that tells us what we really want. Even if you question a desire for something, and reach a turnaround that says you don’t need it – it does not necessarily mean that you should not, or cannot, have that thing. It is your thoughts and beliefs behind those wants that are the focus here – more than the actual things themselves.

Using inquiry, I believe, is so much more important than just setting goals and using affirmations that tell yourself that you already have those things. There could be so many issues in your life that are preventing you from being happy. One of the major culprits that blocks happiness is a bitter grudge towards someone else, or otherwise, a bad attitude towards others.

I am a firm believer in the law of sowing and reaping: if you sow love you reap love – if you sow hostility and hatred that is what will come your way. I have learned that with love it is not so much your actions that count – even a bitter, spiteful person can do the right things, but with the wrong motives. When it comes to love, I believe that it is a person’s beliefs and attitudes that matter the most. Beliefs and attitudes then give rise to desires and actions. If you have a bad attitude towards others, which is affecting your happiness – no amount of money, achievement or material goods is going to bring you the happiness you seek. But without inquiry – you might never come to the realisation of the truth that will set you free from the futility of seeking empty things that never fulfil you.

There is one good thing that can come out of mechanical goal-setting: it teaches you what is really important in life. After making a series of poor decisions and trying to reach unattainable goals - you could be left with a keen sense of the need to appreciate what you have right now, and perhaps, what you used to have in the past. The unfulfilling pursuit of goals can provide you with a heightened awareness of all those things you have taken for granted in the past, a lot of which are invisible and intangible, but very, very real: I’m talking about love.

Love plays such a big role in our lives: love lets us know how much we should invest in a particular relationship; love lets us know when a relationship is over; love gives us a healthy appreciation and sense of respect for those people who are important to us; love gives us a wonderful feeling of anticipation for a planned meeting with an old friend; love gives us a desire to do the things that are right for us at a particular time. Without love, life becomes bland, unfulfilling and confusing.