I Should Not Have Sold my Apartment…Is It True? (Session One)

I Should Not Have Sold my Apartment is it True?

Yes I believe that it is true I shouldn't have sold my apartment. Selling my apartment has caused me to lose a lot of money.

But Can I Absolutely Say for Certain That is True -- That I Should Not Have Sold my Apartment?

No, I can't absolutely say for certain that that is true.

Who Am I When I Believe this Thought?

I feel terribly insecure. I feel as if my life is over. I feel decimated from a financial perspective. When I believe the thought that I should not have sold my apartment I am arguing with reality, because guess what? I did sell my apartment. When I sold my apartment I was feeling rather depressed and confused. I did not have a great deal of peace about what I was doing -- but to be really honest -- I didn't have peace about anything in my life because I was feeling so anxious about everything. My anxiety in the past has made it difficult for me to make any decisions and to know what to do next. But I’ll be honest and say that there wasn’t anything telling me that I shouldn’t sell it either.

I believe that if my mind would have been at rest and I would have had love in my life -- then I believe I would not have sold my apartment. My one bedroom apartment was just right for me at the time. I would have been able to get it paid off by now; I could have been living rent free; but now I’ve got to continue to pay rent every week – and it’s not cheap!

The lesson to be learned from this is that I should pursue peace above all other things in my life. When I am in a state of peace I am mentally present, I am sane, and I am in a position whereby God can lead me in the right direction.

I must learn to see that this thought, that I should not have sold my apartment, is just a thought. This is a thought that arises in my subconscious mind in reflection of something which I did in the past. No wonder regret is such a powerful force because it is founded upon solid facts. I cannot for the life of me refute the fact that I did sell my apartment and that it was more than likely not the best decision I could have made at that time.

With the thought that I should not have sold my apartment, I become a prisoner to the past; as if my entire life and livelihood depends on making perfect decisions all the time. I have become accustomed to dreading making decisions, even small decisions. After selling my apartment and losing money – I wonder if I’ll ever be fit to make big decisions, especially financial decisions, ever again.

But I think it helps to realise that no-one is perfect: everyone makes mistakes – even big mistakes. The fact that I made this particular mistake should not be a sign that I’m hopeless, doomed, cursed or whatever. I should just accept what has happened in my life thus far, and live my life from here. The more contracted I am around the past, the more the past enslaves me and prevents me from taking risks and just living my life. The more I try to analyse past events in order to distil principles from it so that I won’t make any more mistakes – the more confused and anxious I become.

Who Would I Be Without This Thought?

Without this thought I believe I would have peace. It is only when this thought comes to me that I feel a sense of regret, hurt, rejection, frustration, confusion and despair. Without that thought I would not experience these things. Without that thought I would not experience that awful cocktail of negative emotions. Without this thought I would experience a sense of freedom and liberty. I would be free to make decisions, to take risks – even if I end-up getting it wrong, it is still better than being paralysed with fear. I believe that eventually, I can be free of worry and be in a position in which I am less likely to get things wrong, as I did in the past.

God is not expecting me to come up all sorts of buzzwords, principles or clever faith formulas. When it comes to applying the Word of God in my life, all I really need to do is to reach a state of mental clarity and peace of mind in an assurance of God’s love for me.

When I have peace, which is an absence of my own anxious thoughts, God is allowed to flow freely in my life. The only thing that stops God from moving in my life is my anxious mind. Without those anxious thoughts, I would be able to pursue the life plan that God has for me.

God is not waiting for me to say the “magic word”. God is not waiting for me answer some sort of riddle -- as if God is a Sphinx or something like that. God is not waiting for me to say “Open Sesame” or something like that.

When it comes to the expression of faith: this is not something that is of the imagination, it is not something that I need to struggle with and conjure-up. Faith is a conviction of spirit that comes to me from God. Otherwise, faith would be something that is independent of God; it would just be nothing more than the product of imagination and human reasoning.

The Bible says that we have already been blessed with every spiritual blessing. The Bible says that we have already been given favour heaped upon favour blessing piled up on blessing. Without this thought that I should not have sold my apartment - I would experience lasting peace and a sense of hope that all will go well for me, as well as an unshakable trust in God. My life experiences might not match my own preferences and expectations – but they don’t have to – isn’t that what faith is all about? Without this anxious thought I would be able to experience God's plan for my life without the interference of my own worrying.

So Let's Turn it Around…

I should have sold my apartment. I should have sold my apartment because I did. Just because I sold it does not mean that God hates me. God loves me and He will meet all of my needs – including a home of my own.