My Computer Should Work…Is It True?

My Computer Should Work – is it true?

Yes. If I pay fifty pound for two sticks of RAM – I expect them to work! Now my computer won’t boot-up properly.

Can I know for certain that is true?

Errrrr…No.

Who am I, how do I react when I believe that thought?

I feel angry. I also feel guilty – as if it’s all my fault. I get anxious and confused, as I desperately try to figure out what went wrong and what I can possibly do about it. I also feel a sense of foreboding, a sense of dread, as I wonder what’s going to happen next. I slip into “victim mentality mode” as I think, “Oh no, not again – this always happens to me – why me?”

Ah! I think that’s it! That’s the worst part of it: the sense of “this always happens to me”. That thought is insidious – it makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me. It’s nothing more than guilt and fear, which comes to the surface in response to something unexpected or unwanted.

It’s worse if you’re a Christian because you over-spiritualise everything. If something bad happens to you – it’s because you didn’t follow the right principles, there is too much sin in your life or you didn’t pray enough. Then, if something good happens in your life – it’s because you prayed about it or because you read the right book or did some good deed in church or something. Of course, none of these things had anything to do with that thing happening.

I believe in prayer, of course, but it is simply a means of communicating with God: prayer is not a means of claiming the things we want or averting the things we don’t want. Prayer just keeps us in tune with God and re-connects the heart so that we can live life intuitively and confidently. Prayer is not a chore or ritual and it is not something that we add to our spiritual “to-do” list.

Who would I be without that thought?

I think I’ve got to allow things like my computer not working, to just happen – without attaching to it. Next time something like this happens, I can simply detach myself from it, in terms of emotions and thoughts, and just observe. I’m not talking about getting “spaced-out” as if I’m in a trance; neither am I talking about repressing my emotions and becoming like a zombie. No, I’m just talking about maintaining a state of inner peace, free from the typical “why me” thoughts. So, when something I don’t want happens in my life, such as missing the train or it starts to rain, I can simply allow it to happen without putting a great deal of mental and emotional energy into it.

If I did not think the thought, “my computer should work”, I could allow my computer not to work, without worrying about it. I could allow this unwanted occurrence to be just as it is – without feeling a sense of guilt, fear anger and self-pity; I could just experience peace. So what if I have to call the Technical Support line. Even if I make the call, have to wait twenty minutes and be answered by a totally unhelpful clod – so what?! Even if I’ve wasted my money and have to throw the memory sticks in the bin – it’s worth fifty quid just to have peace.

So from now on, I’ve just got to allow whatever happens to just happen. Even if I have to live like Rowan Atkinson’s hapless character Mr Bean for a while - so be it! I can come out of this anxiety – I really can! I’m just going to use inquiry whenever I feel stress – even it is in response to the most trivial thing.

Let’s turn it around

My computer should not work! Just for now, at least. How do I know this is true? Because it doesn’t work – that’s why!