I Should Not Have Sold my Apartment is it True? (Session Two)

I should not have sold my apartment is it true?

Errrrrr…I don’t know.

But can I absolutely say for certain that is true -- that I should not have sold my apartment?

No.

Who Am I When I Believe this Thought?

It’s as if with one hand I’m holding onto guilt, fear and anger; while with the other hand, I am rummaging around for the right principles and formulas that are going to resolve the issue. This desperate search for principles and formulas can cause me to buy all the latest Christian and self-help books that promise to change my life. These books provide all sorts of do’s and don’ts, backed-up by horror stories, chicken-soup-for-the-soul stories and out-this-world promises.

The guilt comes in the form of an unwillingness to forgive myself; a sense of I got it wrong and now I’ve got to pay the price; it is a sense of worthlessness and inadequacy.

The fear is a sense of profound dread; a sense of trepidation of what the future might hold; it is a fear of the unknown; it is a feeling that I am going to be trapped in the same disappointing and frustrating circumstances all of my life – with no light at the end of the tunnel and no glimpse of hope whatsoever.

I feel a sense of anger towards the government, estate agents and buy-to-let investors in the U.K. who jacked-up the house prices to an unsustainable level. These bastards knew precisely what they were doing. It’s all about economics; there are financial whiz-kids out there who know exactly what to do in order to engineer a particular result – a result that suits them. It does not matter to these people if there are going to be people who get hurt and miss out on what ought to be theirs. I remember reading once on the internet that house prices in the U.K. are a key driver of the economy: people tend to spend more when they feel richer – and they feel richer when the value of their property rises. A quick search on Google reveals one such article here – which states near the end, “house prices – a key driver of consumption growth in the UK”. I am appalled by these kind of statements – it is selfish, greedy and wicked!

But I have to admit that no-one put a gun to my head when I sold my place. I admit to being somewhat wooed by my own sense of greed as I rather foolishly anticipated the U.K. housing bubble to burst in spectacular fashion almost as soon as it had inflated to record levels. I was naive and confused; if I was confident, secure, stable, and intuitive and dare I say it, happy – I would not have made the decision to sell. I’ve only got myself to blame.

In the Bible we hear of people who profited while everyone else around them suffered: In Genesis 26:1 we read that Isaac went to Gerar in Philistia and in Genesis 26:12 that Isaac sowed in the land and reaped a hundredfold and the Lord blessed him. We also have the story of Joseph who learned of a forthcoming famine in Egypt and stored extra grain so that he could sell to other people at a profit when the famine struck.

Who Would I Be Without This Thought?

Without this thought I would be free of contraction: I would not be holding onto guilt, fear and anger with one hand, while I’m searching for the right principles and formulas with the other. In actual fact, that search for principles and formulas constitutes lust: I am trying to control the circumstances of my life while holding onto specific expectations. That’s what the Law of Attraction does: it encourages people to hold onto their own fantasies, their own take on what should and should not happen in their life.

There had been a lot written about surrender in Christian literature. One of the more notable books on this subject has been the classic Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray. Surely, surrender to God has a lot more to do with letting of any kind of contraction to a thought and expectation – rather than trying to conjure-up your own idea of what should and should not happen in your life. Surrender is being free of your own beliefs – not creating new ones to counteract the things you don’t want.

What I want in life, more than anything, is recovery. I desperately want to recover from the poor decisions I’ve made and the opportunities that I have allowed to pass me by. But this recovery will not come to me when I am anxiously trying to force my own way and write my own life script. Only God knows what is right for me. I might convince myself that financial recovery for me can only come in the form of house prices crashing. But God might have planned for me to marry a woman with her own house or invest my money properly – who knows?

Without the thought that I should not have sold my apartment, I would be open-minded to the next step that God has for me – rather than being highly opinionated. The recovery I want to see is just round the corner – as long as I first attain clarity of mind and freedom from contracting around certain thoughts.

So Let's Turn it Around…

I should have sold my apartment. Perhaps this seemingly awful mistake I have made is the bombshell that I need to set me free from my own selfishness and fear? If it was not this, selling my apartment and losing money, perhaps it would have been something else: an acrimonious divorce, bereavement, a potentially terminal illness – who knows?