I Need to Make a Decision…Is It True?

I Need to Make a Decision – Is It True?

Yes.

Can I Absolutely Know for Certain it’s True?

No.

Who Am I With This Thought?

When I think this thought I feel anxious and frustrated. I feel as if I desperately need to change something about my life. I suppose the thought stems from the fear that I am in danger of being trapped in disappointing and difficult circumstances for the rest of my life, and therefore, it is up to me to make a decision now that will set me free.

The truth of the matter is that I could easily defer making a decision on the subject which got me anxious in the first place. I don’t really need to make a decision right now – but I fear that if I keep on putting it off – nothing will ever happen.

The situation is made much worse when you have a history of procrastination, disappointment and poor decision making. In my own life, I feel as if the last ten years of my life have been the most uneventful. It has been rather scary in fact when I look back and take stock of just how little my life has changed. But there is also so much I don’t understand, such as the lessons I have learned subconsciously from the experiences I have been through. Also, it is quite possible that I have been spared from some pretty awful things that seem to happen to some people. I suppose I’ll never really know.

When I think the thought that I need to make a decision right now – it’s as if I don’t trust in myself and life to make things happen in the right moment. I feel as if I need to circumvent the natural flow of life; and having control over the decision making process seems to be part of that.

But I have to admit that a key factor in all of this is my own anxiety: it seems that whenever I worry about things and I try to control circumstances – I just get more anxious and confused and the pain just seems to be prolonged.

I believe that the main lesson I need to learn in all of this is to not rush things and to just slow right down and be in step with the natural rhythm of life – even if it seems way too slow for my liking. I need to allow myself to go through a period of time, months or even years, whereby it seems that I hardly do anything and barely make a decision – if that is what it takes.

It is extremely difficult when there seems to be quite a lot of people around you who are constantly making spontaneous decisions, they are confident and life goes well for them. It does feel frustrating when such people ask you how your life is going and what you plan to do. But this is the challenge I need to face: I need to be able to handle this kind of situation and these kind of people. I suppose I just feel ashamed of myself when I compare myself with confident, spontaneous people who seem to always be making quick and effective decisions.

It really is like one of those Chinese finger puzzles: the more you pull, the more difficult it is to get out and the more it hurts you. I need to relax and not force things – only then will I be able to get free.

Who Would I Be Without That Thought?

I would be a lot less anxious and frustrated. I would be free to be myself in that moment – even if that means that I don’t make a decision. I could allow myself to just rest in the moment, even if people think I’m being lazy, without feeling guilty or ashamed. I must be true to who I am, and if that means doing nothing, so be it! I can no longer allow myself to be motivated from a place of hurt, fear, guilt or shame – it simply does not work and it is very painful. I believe that the more peaceful I am, the more likely I am to be able to make good decisions, confidently and spontaneously.

Let’s Turn it Around…

I Don’t Need to Make a Decision – not at this moment.