Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 2

For me, like many other people, I am tempted to feel that affirmations are a total waste of time and effort. The reasons for me taking this stance is because of the manipulation behind it all – the unrealistic promises that were used as a marketing tool to get me to buy those people’s teaching materials.

Removing Limitations

I do, however, understand the good purpose in giving people incredible testimonies of how people overcame seemingly impossible odds in order to achieve something wonderful. I think there is a need to take away the limitations people set on themselves and other people. There is a need to get away from setting boundaries on our field of expectation. We need to get away from thinking, “Well, I can do this but I can’t do that.” There is a need to stop this futile practice of imposing limitations upon ourselves. Heart-warming stories of incredible perseverance and bravery do have the effect of broadening our horizons and making the obstacles in front of us transform from mountains into molehills.

But I also feel there is a need for balance. It is all well and good to hear a tale about how someone walked across the Gobi desert or swam the English Channel – but how do these incredible stories stack-up against your own, average life?

I would say that most people just need to find unconditional love, peace and joy from within; they need to be able to make the most of their relationships; people need to put in the time and effort to maintain a good level of physical health and fitness; there is a need to maintain fulfilling hobbies and interests.

Rather than seeking to do some way-out, incredible, one-off achievement – wouldn’t it be infinitely better to just become a better “you” in the everyday things that you face in your life right now? I don’t know about you, but I can’t see where walking the Gobi desert or swimming the English Channel really fits into that frame.

The more solid a character you are, content in what you have, the happier you will be, the more effective you will be in relationships, and the better life will go for you in general. Just by having a good character, there is no guarantee that you will avoid negative circumstances, but I think that a good character and positive belief system will prepare you for anything that life will throw at you and make you more able to overcome those challenges; also, the more positive and true your belief system is, the more likely you are to avoid the poor decisions that typically lead to unwanted, negative circumstances.

Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 1

Affirmations don’t work because they do not get to the underlying causes of a person’s neurosis.

Advocates of The Sedona Method and The Work seem to both acknowledge that it is not a good idea to layer positive thoughts on top of negative ones. It is better to actually pay attention to the anxious thoughts with a view to letting them go through The Sedona Method or questioning them through The Work. In fact, it is this discovery that often leads a person to either one of these two self-help methods; it is almost as if affirmations serve as an introduction to The Sedona Method or The Work.

Escapism and Unrealistic Expectations

Now that I look back on affirmations with hindsight I can see that I tried to use them as a form of escapism: I tried to create a perfect future by controlling my thoughts about it in the present. This seems to be a common trend amongst self-help gurus, who encourage their followers to envisage a perfect self in a perfect future, were there will be no more problems, only happiness and nice things. I think this is one of the ways in which you can know that you are off course in your use of affirmations. Any system that emphasises the destination more than the journey will definitely get you off-track.

I think visualisation is even worse because it encourages neurotics to fantasise about things in their mind. I am flabbergasted that these self-help and spiritual gurus who are trusted by thousands of people all over the world, make absolutely no allowance whatsoever for the neurotic mindset. Surely, they must be aware that there will be people with serious mental and emotional issues who are more than likely to go off on a tangent with their teaching?

The thing that makes such teaching so misleading is the way that they always seem to use totally extreme, out of the ordinary anecdotes to get their message across. People are told that they can perform miracles, they can do the impossible and they can be rich beyond their wildest dreams. What people don’t realise is that the likelihood is that they aren’t ever going to live the millionaire playboy lifestyle they fantasise about – they are much more likely to live in an average house, with an average looking partner, doing an average nine-to-five job.

It seems to me that the more insecure a person is the more frustrated, disappointed and anxious they will be. “Everyday life” is like a swear-word to these people – it seems to be too disappointing or difficult for them to cope with. Therefore, they are prone to creating some sort of elaborate fantasy to escape from it all. I don’t mind the concept of making the most of life and being good and effective at what you do, or even being successful and prosperous. But I take issue with the way in which self-help and spiritual gurus actively encourage fantasy amongst vulnerable neurotics who need professional help: they need balance and the right kind of encouragement more than they need to be told they can become outrageously wealthy – if they follow a certain set of steps.

I’m not speaking from mere speculation here – I have been in that position as an anxiety sufferer myself, so I know what it is like. It took me many years of frustration, disappointment and empty promises to finally come out of that mental and emotional condition and finally get my feet on solid ground. You see, that is the inevitable conclusion in the pursuit of unrealistic expectations: eventually, after years of putting lots of time and effort into this kind of stuff, you will end-up feeling defeated, depressed and deceived.

When the Work Doesn’t Seem to Work – Part 2

Despite the short-term evidence that Releasing and Inquiry works, there can be an inevitable disappointment with these methods, because they might not deliver the landmark, life-changing goals that we have been primed to expect. I find that I often seem to have a reluctance to use Releasing and Inquiry; I believe it all comes down to this lack of tangible evidence in the form of life-changing goals. It’s only when I finally get myself to release or inquire, and I experience the familiar and much-needed sense of relief, that I once again become encouraged to continue my efforts with these methods.

I am tempted to feel that the last two years or so of Releasing and Inquiry have yielded no benefit to me at all. But I also feel that this is not quite true: whilst I don’t seem to have fulfilled a single life-changing goal as yet, since I began using Releasing and Inquiry, I cannot deny the fact that there have been some beneficial changes. The changes are rather more subtle than the way-out, amazing, miraculous testimonies that make the latest self-help book so popular.

I admit that I do get frustrated and disappointed quite a lot and I wonder why I bother with Releasing and Inquiry. But when I compare myself now with myself two years ago – there has been a positive change. I seem to be doing a lot better in my job than I used to; I also seem to be a lot more enthusiastic in the workplace too. Whilst I don’t yet have that promotion that I’ve been striving to attain for numerous years – I do feel a lot closer to it now. There are quite a lot of things that I used to worry about in the past which I notice I no longer worry about. In fact, I do seem to be a lot more at peace nowadays than I used to be, although, I do still have regular bouts of anxiety and despondency.

In the past I derived my sense of hope from the fantasies that were established by the extravagant promises of charismatic spiritual leaders. I am now in a place whereby I can see the futility of those fantasies. Now, I would much rather take solace in the tangible reality of the subtle gains which I have made so far. These subtle gains might not be the stuff of popular self-help and motivational books – but at least they are real for me – I know which one I would rather have!

I truly am adamant that the best goal you can ever have is to maintain peace of mind: everything else, I feel, flows from there. You really cannot go further than peace: if you are in a constant state of anxiety, you really cannot achieve much in this life and you are likely to experience one drama after another. Even when you attain peace of mind, there is no guarantee that everything is going to be “plain sailing” from here. However, with peace of mind you know that you are in the best condition you can be in, in order to receive the best that life, God or the Universe has to offer you at this moment in time.

When the Work Doesn’t Seem to Work – Part 1

I would say that after many years of pursuing spiritual development and using various self-help methods, I have to admit that The Work of Byron Katie seems to be the most effective method I have encountered so far.

I have experienced the disappointment that inevitably results when a charismatic, writer, speaker or spiritual leader gives people amazing anecdotes, formulas and principles – which don’t seem to work for me.

Self help methods such as The Work and The Sedona Method take a different approach to the typical affirmation based methods, which promise wealth, power and control over ones life circumstances. Most people come to The Work and The Sedona Method after spending years pursuing popular self-help and spiritual pursuits, which promise the attainment of goals, but do not deliver. There is an inevitable sense of frustration when a person finally comes to the point whereby they realise that these attractive principles and formulas just don’t work. But this point of frustration and disappointment can be a great place to be in that they graduate from wrong motives and ideals. It’s at this point that a person can begin to wholeheartedly and passionately embrace Releasing or Inquiry.

When a person begins to see the value of Releasing or Inquiry, the sense of disappointment that previous spiritual pursuits brought, can give way to a sense of relief as they finally realise the sheer value of making the attainment of peace their only goal.

The great thing about Releasing and Inquiry is that once you grasp the basics, you find that you are able to experience results almost immediately. However, whilst these methods deliver a quick, short-term effect – the more permanent, long term effects are a different thing entirely. It is quite easy to become rather despondent as the same anxieties and wants seem to spring-back at you once you have released them or questioned them.

The long-term effects of Releasing and Inquiry seem to be a lot more subtle than the life-changing goals that many of us were encouraged to pursue, through methods such as The Secret and The Law of Attraction or even Christian Word of Faith. We all want to achieve goals that provide us with visible, tangible feedback that we are loved and we are finally getting something right. We want the promotion and pay-rise at work to validate our hard work spent at the office, factory, shop or wherever. We want the $5000-through-releasing-only to let us know that our efforts with releasing are finally paying-off and to make us feel that bit more secure. We want to see some sort of landmark change in our lives, money, relationships, job-title or whatever, that lets us know that the latest spiritual or self-help method we have put so much time and energy into, actually works.

Positive Thinking versus Negative Thinking

The conclusion I have come to so far, after everything that I have learned up to this moment, is that what shapes the course of a person’s life in relation to how happy and confident they are and what they experience – all comes down to their thinking (positive or negative).

It is our beliefs, and therefore our thinking, which determines how rich or poor we will be, how effective we will be in relationships and how good we will be at making decisions. If you think positively – life will tend to go well for you; if you think negatively – life will tend to be one big drama. There has been a lot of self-help books published on the subject of positive thinking. There has also been a great deal of emphasis in charismatic Christian circles on positive thinking from a Biblical perspective.

It was around 1994 when I first read the book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr Joseph Murphy. It was this book which started my spiritual journey and it changed my perspective on how we influence the way in which we relate to, and experience, life.

I have struggled to implement the positive thinking and affirmation techniques that were presented by self-help and Christian teaching. A lot of the time I was just trying to avoid negative circumstances, influence other people and make things happen just the way I wanted them to. This just led to stress and a great deal of naivety and arrogance on my part, as I tried to live life on my own terms – as if I knew what was best for me. I came to understand the futility of positive thinking and affirmations, as I realised that I had no tenacity to keep going with them and my efforts felt coaxed and unnatural.

I have found that the most fundamental need in the life of a person, regardless of their beliefs, is the need to be free from his own negative thinking. I have found through releasing and inquiry that it is a person’s contraction around a thought, a belief, which causes the stress, confusion and suffering in their life. Without that contraction around a thought – they would be free to experience life to the full; they would be more confident, happy and spontaneous without those thoughts that seem to weight them down. Also, without contraction around beliefs, there is a sense of inner peace, clarity of mind which is conducive to drawing upon wisdom and making good decisions.

I have found that to a great extent, life just does itself, when we are no longer holding onto beliefs and trying to control our lives with our minds. Without the stress created by our own thoughts, we can be free to live life with peace and happiness. This does not mean that we will no longer experience “bad” circumstances. But I do believe that freedom from contraction around beliefs is by far the best way to attract positive circumstances into our lives. Therefore, there is a need, especially for anxiety sufferers, to be free of the contraction around beliefs.

I have found that inquiry through The Work of Byron Katie has been the simplest and most effective means of becoming free of the tyranny of our own beliefs.

Inner Transformation

There is much debate in Christian circles about the subject of inner transformation. Christianity is seen by many as a means of changing yourself from the inside out: transforming a person mentally, emotional and even physically, for the better. Rules-based Christianity puts the onus on the individual with demands for good works and clean living.

The grace message emphasises resting in the knowledge that your sins have been laid upon Jesus on the cross and you have been given a new nature that does not sin – the divine nature. This change of nature is also known as the new birth or being born again. When Jesus told the religious scholar Nicodemus in John 3:3 that he had to be born again – Nicodemus could not understand Him. It is the same today not only with the Jews (who follow the Old Testament law), but also with most Christians (who seem to follow a mixture of law and grace – self-effort and belief in Jesus).

Inner transformation, whether by self-effort or by faith, is debatable. Some Christians believe that by adhering to morals and making an effort to be a better person – you can be transformed. Some Christians believe that by simply resting your mind on the finished work of the cross, in other words, by faith – you can be transformed. The latter category leads believers to study and meditate upon the Biblical concepts of God’s nature and power abiding in us. The focus on God-in-us leads us away from self-effort and allows us to trust in God to live His life in-and-through us. Bible verses which back-up this concept include: 2 Peter 1:4, Ezekiel 11:19, Romans 5:5, 1 Cor. 12:13 and John 14:16.

I have observed the lives of other Christians over the years and I struggle to see much in the way of inner transformation in them. It seems that most Christians seem to live from their own personality which has been shaped and formed over the years through experience.

I will admit that I studied the Bible a great deal when I came into the revelation of God’s grace towards us. I even tried to verbally declare certain Bible verses in an affirmation style, in the hope that I would experience this new nature in me. I must admit that although I did mature naturally over time, I cannot say that studying the Bible made much of a difference to my life. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, even before I was a Christian, and I still do today.

Christian “Square One” – Part 2

What I have found is that when a Christian makes the transition from religious legalism into grace – to a great extent they tend to be very much the same person as they were before they became a Christian. But now they believe in Jesus, but without the stress, naivety and dogma. The process of experiencing Christianity as it is perceived but actually is not – has the effect of driving a person as far away from those things as possible. When before you used to criticize people for indulging their sins, now that you have experienced the struggle of keeping your own life clean, and you know you are righteous by faith, you are now inclined to see the struggles of others with compassion.

I do also find that no matter what your religious or spiritual convictions are, seeking justice in one form or another seems to be a constant factor in many people’s lives. I suppose it is this tendency to seek after justice, which makes it so tempting to criticize and judge other people. If someone does me wrong or they are abusing me, I ought to consider taking some kind of action against that. If someone commits a crime against me or another, I am responsible to report that person. This kind of action has little to do with a sense of seeking justice - it is more along the lines of simply doing what is right. When it comes to seeking justice I suppose what I am trying to highlight here is the need to get away from stewing over something that is simply out of our hands and is, quite frankly, none of our business.

I believe that The Work of Byron Katie is probably the only spiritual or self-help method which accepts people and things, just the way they are, without seeking justice. I suppose it is for this reason that it is seen by many as being rather controversial.

Christianity is meant to be something which radically changes a person’s life for the better – that is the ideal, but it is not what I have experienced. If someone came into Christianity as an anxious, negative and timid person – those negative traits will still tend to exist to a great extent. Likewise, if someone became a Christian when they were confident and out-going – they will still be confident and outgoing when they come into the grace message. This raises the question as to whether Christian spiritual concepts can actually make a difference to a person’s life: does reading the Bible regularly change a person’s character? Does prayer change negative circumstances to positive ones?

This Christian “Square One” is fine if you are relatively happy, positive and good things happen in your life – but what do you do when you are not happy and satisifed and things just tend to go wrong most of the time? It is at that stage that you need something that really works – something that will make a positive difference in your life. It is at that moment that all the spiritual teaching you have had up to that moment, is put to the test. Unfortunetly, I have found that most of the things I have learned have not made a bit of difference in my life – that can be a tough reality to deal with! When you have clung onto all sorts of high-hopes for many years, only to realise most of it does not really seem to work – that is a hard thing to deal with. This raises the question of what really does work?

This brings us swiftly onto the subject of inner transformation – the topic of the next blog post.