Obsessing Over Fantasies
I have found from my observation of others and from my own introspection, that the more insecure a person is, the more fixated they become on specific expectations; it is these specific expectations which they believe will be the thing that will define their life. Insecure people say, “I’ll be happy when”, or, “I’ll be happy if.” “If” and “when” in this context might never, ever happen! You really do need to be able to enjoy life right now – regardless of your life circumstances.
This does not mean that nothing good will ever happen to you or that you need to be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of your life. No, what I’m talking about here is the need for the right focus. If your focus is on having a positive attitude and doing the best you can where you are now – I believe that your future will be bright and your life will eventually steer towards something good. But I think we can get stuck when we anxiously try to control our circumstances and divert our attention from the job at hand to some desired future.
You could convince yourself that you’ll only be happy when you get married – but there are loads of miserable married couples all over the world. You could convince yourself that you will only be happy when you are rich – but there are rich people in the world who are so depressed they are contemplating suicide!
There seems to be an attribute of fear that seems to lead to narrowness of mind. Fear can have the effect of giving a person “tunnel vision”: where they only see the circumstances in front of them which seem to threaten their security and peace of mind. When people thus become “blinkered” by fear – they often fail to see and appreciate the wonderful opportunities that are around them; they fail to see the “light at the end of the tunnel”.
Anxious people latch onto things that they believe will make their life wonderful. It is for this reason that the amazing anecdotes that motivation speakers, self-help gurus and evangelists tell their followers – are not always helpful. The more fixated a person becomes; the less flexible they are to the changes occurring around them. Then, if something happens that they don’t expect or want – they can feel as if their life is falling apart (when it isn’t).
Rather than seeking some landmark event which you feel will signify the turnaround point of your life – you need to start making the most of where you are in life here and now. I cannot help but feel that what is more important than focusing on some external thing to make you feel secure and happy – is the formation of positive beliefs, finding happiness and confidence within yourself. I would rather develop solidness of character than work towards ushering in some incredible, landmark event.
Even if some marvellous, one-off thing occurs in your life, such as winning the lottery – would you have the wisdom, maturity, peace of mind and happiness in order to really make the most of your life from that moment on?
A positive mind and solidness of character is the best thing you could ever have in the world. When you have that winning personality, you tend to attract good people in your life; you tend to make good decisions that lead to positive experiences. Otherwise, you might find yourself reacting badly to the poor decisions that you make, thereby making even more poor decisions as you try in vain to escape the negative experiences that poor decisions in the past have landed you in.
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