Attachments and Aversions in the Church

Christians always seem to get bogged-down with the process of constantly labelling things as good or bad - right or wrong. This, essentially, is legalism and walking according to the flesh. The Biblical term "the flesh" refers to human effort, rather than relying on God's effort according to working the Holy Spirit.

The trouble with labelling things is that people become judgemental. I agree that people should live according to the Word of God - putting the Word of God foremost in their lives. However, believers tend to veer on the side of caution, which can lead them to go to extremes. This is not love - love accepts people and things - just as they are. What ends-up happening is that believers form mental aversions to those things they believe are wrong or bad. Then, believers form attachments to those things they believe are right or good. Another way of looking at it is that we attach a story to those things. This story might be true in part or could even be completely unfounded. What we do when we judge other people is that we classify them according to what we have experienced in the past; this comparison might be far from the truth relation to that person.

The process of living according to rules is nothing more than fear, anger and pride. It is fear because a person creates an aversion to something by fearing the consequences of engaging the thing that is dreaded. It is anger, because a person can naturally gain a sense of frustration and self-righteous indignation towards those people who do not match-up to their standards. It is pride because a person can feel inclined towards comparing themselves worth others and feeling a sense of superiority towards those whom they feel does not meet their standards of excellence. This sense of pride and the compulsion it creates to make other people conform to standards can put a great deal of pressure on people to perform.

There are things in the Bible, which we could say are very much black-and-white, in that they are easily identifiable as being good or bad, right or wrong. However, there are also many things that could be described as being grey-areas, in that it is not always easy to label them as being good or bad, right or wrong. Typically, Christians tend to veer on the side of caution by avoiding those things altogether.

Many Christians will argue and say that it is important to determine what is right and wrong, so that we can make the right choices. However, even if a person believes that he is convinced that he is right or wrong - how does he absolutely know for certain that he is right? We know that for a man to lust after a woman is wrong, Jesus said it was. But even the knowledge of this is not always sufficient in order to stop that person from doing what he knows is sinful.

When people would say to Kenneth E. Hagin that the message of God's unconditional forgiveness of sin would give people a licence to sin, he would reply by saying that people would sin even without a licence. And what about all those grey-areas - the things that a person might be uncertain about? Perhaps a person's judgements based on past experiences, might work for them, say, ninety percent of the time. But what about the ten percent of the time when they get it wrong?

The concept of attachments helps us to bring into perspective the way in which anxious and desperate individuals when it comes to creating fantasies. The Christian message of Word of Faith and prosperity is very much on the same level as self-help methods such as The Law of Attraction and The Secret.

Perhaps some would say that releasing is in some way "Gnostic", as it focuses more on the mind, rather than looking to Jesus and uttering scriptures. I agree that we should look to the Bible as being the written Word of God, but we should do this with the emphasis on seeing that God is love and that He accepts us as we are. When the Bible uses the term “Word of God”, it is usually in reference to God guiding specific individuals, rather than reading the Bible – they didn’t even have the Bible back in those days! I also agree that there are no scriptures, which make explicit mention of the want for approval, control and security - but I don’t think that that is any reason not to practice releasing.

I believe that there are several well-known motivational models in Psychology that bear a great deal of resemblance to the Sedona Method model of the four wants. I am also encouraged by the fact that such a well-known Bible teacher as Colin Dye would make such a profound statement in his book, Mastering Your Emotions, by saying that the core human needs are security, significance and self-worth. For me, these match-up very closely with the three wants in the Sedona Method and Release Technique: approval, control and security. You could say that the need for significance and self-worth are both expressions of the want for approval.

Releasing the Lower Nature

With releasing we have a means available in which we have a choice as to whether or not we wish to submit to sin or righteousness. The Biblical concept of sin could be summed-up in releasing terms: it is negative emotions which culminate in the four wants. This makes sense when we consider that behind every wrong action is a desire; behind every desire are a belief, attitude and motive. The four wants are kept in place through holding onto wrong thoughts; it is wrong beliefs that give rise to the wants which constitute what we know and experience as sin. A want is a lack of something. The Bible actually uses the word "want" in relation to doing without a thing. The word "want" is most often used in relation to a person desiring something. Hardly ever is the word "want" used in relation to lack. The word "want" actually comes from an Old Norse word which means "lacking".

We can be led to believe that if we continually want something - we will be driven to attain it. But when we hold onto a want we are actually holding onto a sense of lacking that thing. This negates our efforts to attain that thing.

Wants and Sin Are the Same Thing

The want for approval, control and security could be described as being the inevitable result of the nature of man having to fend for itself in the absence of God's nature, which is love. Sin is the soul of man seeking to live a life without God.

The emotions that we experience are motivators to action which are designed to facilitate a life lived in the absence of a relationship with God. We no longer need these emotions when we receive that which is perfect - God's love. We can let go of our hold on emotions and the underlying wants by seeing them for what they are. We don't have to analyse these wants in great detail, neither do we need to know exactly how they came about in order to release them.

We no longer need to make excuses for it. We can just let go of the emotions and wants and be free of them in that moment. It is so simple when we learn how to release - we can wonder why we didn't do it sooner! Once you get your first release - I am convinced that there is no going back.

Does Releasing Interfere With Grace In Some Way?

I sometimes wonder if I am in some unknown way, interfering with God's grace through releasing -- but I can't think of a plausible reason. As far as I am concerned, I am co-operating with God when I release; I feel that I am fulfilling the admonishments of Paul in Romans 6:12-13.

I never feel as if releasing is a "work": releasing never feels awkward. In fact, when I release effectively, I feel lighter, freer and happier in that moment. Therefore, I am always encouraged to release whenever I can. This is different to some rituals, such as "forced" prayer and good works that many Christians perform, which have no life in them and are motivated out of a sense of duty, lust or fear.

Building Momentum

When a person achieves their first release -- it encourages them to continue releasing. From that moment on, a person can quickly build momentum as they find is that they are able to release more regularly and in various different situations. The practice of regular releasing conditions us to understand what emotions and wants operating in certain situations. Releasing gives as education about our emotions and the underlying wants in terms of how it feels. We can then gain an idea of the processes that our mind and emotions are going through in certain situations; how the mind and emotions responds to certain circumstances.

Releasing is the Best Self-Help Method

I think a lot of people who come to the Sedona Method or Release Technique, have tried all sorts of self-help and spiritual practices, without experiencing much in the way of positive changes to their lives. When I read releasing forums I find that the attitude of most releases is that releasing could be likened to the Holy Grail of self-help practices. The great thing about releasing is that it doesn't give people a whole lot of rules or principles to follow. There is a little bit of teaching that goes with releasing, but more than anything, it is designed to simply help facilitate releasing. I can also say that the teaching that does accompany releasing courses is concise, relevant and effective.

Putting Off Sin

The Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John chronicle the earthly ministry of Jesus Christ. Most Christians see these books of the Bible as being Jesus' efforts to give the church a further set of rules and principles to follow, in addition to the Old Testament laws. However, we find that Jesus was actually taking the law to a higher level in order to show the religious zealots of the day, the scribes and Pharisees, that they could not keep the law. See Matthew 5:28. Jesus would allude to His true purpose for being on the earth -- but His disciples could not properly understand Him.

It is only in the Epistles of Paul that we begin to see the true picture of what Jesus achieved through His death, burial and resurrection. Paul explains that we are justified by faith and not by works of the law. See Galatians 2:16.

In the book of Romans, Paul continues to teach about grace in what many consider to be his finest work. Paul tells us in Romans 6:10-14 that we should not submit to sin, because we have died to sin and the law and we are now under grace. Then, in Romans 6:16-18 Paul says that we should not submit ourselves to sin; otherwise, we will become a slave to it. Paul also says that we should become a slave to righteousness. This implies that we have a choice as to whether or not we wish to submit to sin or submit to righteousness.

In Ephesians 4:22, Paul says that we should put off the old man (old nature). Colossians 3:9 says something similar, but phrases it in the past-tense, in that it says that we "have put off the old man with his deeds". Both verses could be said to be the message of grace, the finished work of Christ, and that the old nature has been done away with and there is nothing more for us to do about it.

Releasing is Relatively Spiritual-Belief-Neutral

A good thing about releasing is that I find it is relatively neutral in terms of spiritual beliefs. Releasing courses do not attempt to encourage the practitioner to believe in reincarnation, for instance. Although, no doubt, there are many people who use releasing who actually believe in reincarnation - I have never experienced anything in releasing courses that go against the fundamental beliefs of Christianity.

I think that the original creator of releasing, Lester Levenson, had spiritual views which veer towards reincarnation and Buddhism. But even if it seems that releasing is presenting something which seems to be contrary to the Gospel -- we should seek to filter that with wise judgement.

We can invite people to give us their opinions and to teach us things. But at the end of the day, it is up to us to decide what it is we want to believe and take on board, and what it is that we decide to blank out.

Otherwise, I feel that many sensitive and, dare I say it, gullible Christians and adherents to other religious, may take offence to some of the teaching presented in the releasing materials. If a Christian does take offence to such teaching, they run the risk of missing out on a great deal that releasing has to offer. As Christians, it is important that we firm in our fundamental beliefs. At the same time, we must also be flexible, teachable and we must respect the beliefs of others.

Take what you want and need from releasing. Only take on board what you feel is right for you.

The Want for Separation and the Desire for Exclusivity

There is a desire for exclusivity in many people: they want things that are exclusive such as a membership to an exclusive country club or an exclusive car model and so on. We tend to hear this word “exclusive” being bandied about and think of it as meaning something that is of a high standard of quality. We therefore equate the word “exclusive” to the term “gold edition” or “gold membership status”.

But in actual fact, the word “exclusive” is a rather offensive one as it means that in order for someone to enjoy their extra luxury – other people have to live without it. The word “exclusive” is akin to the word “rejection” because it means that the majority of people are rejected from being a member of a club or owning a certain item. This desire to be distinctive is actually the want for separation.

When something is exclusive it means that only a select few members of society can enjoy that privilege – I believe that this becomes part of the appeal of something, because it makes that person feel special. Feeling special is linked to the want for approval in that people want it in order to know that who they are is good and acceptable.

I think the desire for approval moves in stages in that it begins with wanting to appear normal and just like everyone else. The want for approval then manifests itself as wanting to be better than everyone else so that other people give you special and preferential treatment. I find that it is often the same case with the want for security which may start as wanting to fulfil basic needs, before progressing to greed propelled by a never-ending sense of insecurity.

But it is this desire to feel special that creates an unhealthy competitive nature, which perpetuates a dog-eat-dog kind of society; a society in which people are willing to tread on the toes of others so that they are unable to climb the ladder of life for themselves so that they can be where they themselves are.

When a person with a want for approval becomes exposed to spiritual or self-help teaching that emphasise prosperity - it can fire-up a lust within them to get those things, and do those things, that they feel will make them superior to other people. A want for wealth, fame, achievement and ability are obvious ways in which this desire will manifest itself. These desires are often not from God or the higher nature, but arise from the flesh nature or ego.

The Sedona Method, and especially the Release Technique – both seem to promise prosperity. Word of Faith and “charismatic” preaching in the Christian church, also offer prosperity in much the same way as a self-help method such as The Law of Attraction and The Secret. However, if we use spiritual or self-help teaching with prosperity as one of the main goals, or perhaps, the main goal – we are likely to experience disappointment.

I believe that the best way to prosper in all areas of life, including finances, is to be free of worry and any wants that may be producing wrong motives in relation to the pursuit of wealth, power and material goods. It is not that we can’t prosper – it is just that we need to ensure that we are free of the wants that might be driving a lust for wealth, power and possessions. It is for this reason that Jesus Himself said in Matthew 6:34 that we should seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Something amazing that I have noticed in the releasing community is that their goals and motives are often the same as Christians. For instance, releasers will say something like, “Seek freedom more than you seek the world.”

Have you tried to use spiritual or self-help teaching to attain prosperity? If you recognise that you have such motives, you can use the Sedona Method or Release Technique to release on the emotions of lust and/or pride, as well as the wants for separation, security or approval. As always, it is best to ask your subconscious mind what want you are experiencing in the moment before you release a want (see the previous blog post Identifying Emotions and Wants for details on this).

Wanting To Love

The Sedona Method identifies wanting to love as an aspect of wanting approval. (See the section Letting Go of the Four Basic Wants in the book The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin). When a person wants to love, they feel as if they cannot give enough; they become more focused on other people than themselves to the point of being self abdicating. This drive to want to love others may seem unselfish, but in actual fact, it usually comes from a want to receive the approval of other people.

A lot of the people who come to Christianity are looking for some sort of way out of their own difficult situations which have been created by their own unmet needs and unhealed hurts. There is often a drive in the church to be compassionate towards other people, to be giving, loving and to do nice things for others. This drive to be a good person is often spurred on by a want for the approval of other people and the approval of God. The idea is that if a person is kind to others and does something nice for them then they deserve the appreciation of those people and from God Himself.

The Bible encourages people to be selfless and to sacrifice their own needs for the sake of helping others. But this can make kindness into yet another rule, which hurting and needy Christians feel obligated to fulfil. Some Christians are even deluded into thinking that they have to make an effort to be kind to others and to do a works in order to maintain their salvation. Therefore, some Christians are forced into trying to act kind under the threat of eternal damnation. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When a person has genuine love in their heart, it becomes a natural expression for them to be kind and compassionate towards others. When a person does not have love in their heart, they will feel rejected, empty, unfulfilled, and perhaps even abused. A sense of rejection, separation and unfulfilment is certainly not a good foundation for kindness and charity.

Furthermore, without genuine love people’s efforts to be nice to others will be nothing more than an act. Our motive for doing good works has got to be genuine: it must be motivated out of the love of God in our hearts. Wanting to love can throw a person open to abuse as they strive continually to do things for others with the aim of alleviating their own guilt and getting some sort of response of appreciation from the people they serve. Wanting to love can cause a person to allow other people to control, manipulate and abuse them. It is true that love is long-suffering in that it accepts ill-treatment from others and accepts their faults. Genuine long-suffering will prevent a person from being hurt by the selfishness of other people.

Whereas a person who is wanting to love and give approval to other people, and does not have the power of long-suffering, will be motivated to expose themselves to people and situations that will cause them to add to their own sense of hurt and a “victim mentality”. This abusive cycle can continue until a person simply cannot take any more, and they've just collapse under the weight of their own guilt and hurt.

Some Christians can actually be the deluded into thinking that this is what love is meant to be. In the absence of knowing what true love is Christians can erroneously believe that they are keeping the single commandment of the New Testament - when all along they are just following their own selfish motives as well as being misled and abused.

The pressure to do good works in the church can be so great that it causes a person to misdirect the focus from receiving the love that God has for them, to just putting on an act. When such people do get abused by other people, they legitimise it by quoting verses of Scripture, such as the following:

¹² Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.

2 Timothy 3:12 nkjv

² My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

James 1:2-3 nkjv

⁴² And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward."

Matthew 10:42 nkvj

²⁵ He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

John 12:25 nkjv

In the absence of the approval of others and genuine joy, a Christian can easily get caught up in a martyr mentality whereby they see their suffering, misery and struggle as being a positive thing; they believe that God will reward them in heaven for their “service” to Him amidst their suffering and the persecution of others. This persecution can be in the form of threats of physical violence (especially in non-Christian countries) to just subtle rejection and gentle teasing. Little do they know, their persecution is probably the direct result of their wanting approval. If they did not strive so much for the approval of other people, they would know and experience God’s love for them, thereby feeling whole and accepted – without having to run around doing things for other people so much.

Remember, holding onto the want for something often seems a positive way of getting your needs met. But in actual fact, holding onto a want keeps that want in place, wards off fulfilment and sends out a message of lack. If a person holds onto a want – they will typically find that they attract the opposite of what they want. If a person wants approval – they will attract those people and circumstances that reinforce that sense of disapproval and the need to get more approval. It becomes a vicious cycle whereby a person believes that he cannot do enough for other people. Eventually, it will lead to burn-out, guilt and resentment.

Prominent Bible teachers are now becoming more aware of the want for approval amongst Christians and the drive to gain approval through performance. Quite notably, Joyce Meyer has written an excellent book on the subject called Approval Addiction which made it onto the New York Times Best Seller list. Byron Katie, the founder of The Work, also has an excellent book on the subject called I Need Your Love – Is It True?

Anxiety and the Want for Control

I have found that in my own life, the want for control manifests itself in two distinct ways. Firstly, there is the want to try to figure things out. Secondly, there is a want to change things. I have found the major component of my anxiety comes down to the want for control, in that I'm trying to figure out things for myself. When I try to figure things out I'm trying to work out why things have happened the way that they have, why I have made the decisions that I have, why so-and-so said such and such a thing to me and so on.

It is often difficult to let go of this want to try to figure things out because the fear is that if we don't make an effort to try to figure things out then we will never ever be able to change our circumstances. So really, the want of trying to figure things out is about trying to change your circumstances.

Wanting Control and Blaming Others

Whenever an anxious person feels that life is not going the way he wants, he tends not to look to himself to take responsibility for the situation and ultimately change who he is and change the way that we see the situation – if he does, it tends to be in a negative way that heaps guilt on himself. Anxious people tend to opt for trying to change other people and trying to change external circumstances. This brings us into a great deal of anxiety because we find that we are not able to change other people's will and we are not able to change external circumstances.

Anger has a lot of power in it and it makes us feel strong. But in actual fact, anger arises from a sense of powerlessness because we feel that someone somewhere is to blame for our unhappiness and that our life would be better if they thought the way we did. A sense of powerlessness in relation to anything outside a person’s will, such as so-called “acts of God”, earthquakes and the like, brings despair more than anger. However, those people who believe in God may tend to direct anger towards God for such things, because they believe that he could have changed His will.

Goals - The Source of Anxiety

In his book, Mastering Your Emotions, Pastor Colin Dye identifies the source of anxiety in our lives:

• Fear is the result of an uncertain goal.
• Anger is the result of a blocked goal.
• Depression is the result of an unattainable goal.

So when we experience anxiety, we have a want - a desire for something. The AGFLAP-CAP chart of emotions gives us an indication of what that want might actually be by identifying the accompanying emotions - whether we are seeking a goal that is uncertain, unattainable or blocked.

Trying to Figure Things Out

I have found that what has often caused me to remain in an anxious state is that it sometimes appears to me that I am actually thinking or saying something wise and useful. But in actual fact, the ratio of good and useful thoughts to those thoughts which are not useful and even harmful is probably a ratio of about one to twenty – at a guess.

In fact, I would say really that when I'm in a state of anxiety, the useful thoughts that I have are probably from zero to five percent. When I am trying to figure things out for myself and I’m getting anxious, I am often aware that probably about a third of what I think and say appears to be positive at the time, but in actual fact, it is mostly all negative. When a person is angry, for instance, they often feel justified in that angry state, with the belief that their anger is achieving something useful and that the target of that anger actually deserves every negative thing that you have to say about him, her or it. Such directed anger does little to change or hurt the other person – it hurts the person being angry more than anything.

Emotions Conducive to Wisdom

When I look at the AGFLAP chart, I find the emotional state that I need to be in so that I can have the wisdom that I need – this is courageousness, acceptance or peace. Some of the synonymous for courageousness are resourceful, positive, decisive, dynamic and aware. Some of the synonymous for acceptance are understanding and intuitive.

I believe that wisdom is at the core of our being and therefore it is impossible for us to relinquish wisdom. But what often happens is that we end-up covering the wisdom that is part of our true essence; with the whole lot of junk in terms of anxious thoughts which are just a fearful response to what our five senses tell us is true.

Seeking Wisdom like Panning for Gold

So when were looking for wisdom, it's more like panning for gold: what we need to be able to do is just sift through all the mud, rocks and rubbish. The more we pan for gold, the more we clear away what we don't need so that we can better see, and get to, the stuff we do need, the stuff that is actually of value to us. This is what happens when we release when we are anxious, especially when we release on wanting control.

Releasing is like panning for gold in that we are filtering out our own misinterpretations of a situation so we can better see the wisdom that lies beneath all the junk - the thoughts that obscure our intuition. In order to facilitate this filtering of our own thoughts, we need to be able to let go of wanting control in the form of wanting to figure things for ourselves and wanting to change things.

AGFLAP and Confusion

Our level of intuition is reflected in the AGFLAP-CAP chart in that if a person is in a state of AGFLAP then it is very unlikely that they will be able to draw upon their intuition, so that they can know the truth and so that the can act upon that truth.

Courageousness is that condition whereby a person has the confidence, ability and the dynamism in order to act resourcefully in a situation. Fortunately, with that spontaneity and dynamism to act in a situation, comes clarity of thought and vision.

So we have to come to the realisation that if we are in a state of AGFLAP, then it becomes very difficult for us to act positively. If a person is in AGFLAP there is basically not very much that they can do in order to change their life and their situation. So instead of seeking to change other people and wish circumstances were different than they are – it is better to actually change ourselves by changing the way that we perceive the situation - then we can better act in that situation.

Releasing as a Way to Wisdom and Peace

The great thing about releasing is that you don't need to know all the facts about the situation - you just need to be willing to release. All that you need to in order to release is to be aware of your feelings, thoughts and spoken words. If you are feeling anxious then you should think about what want or wants need to be released and release them.

If you are in a state of AGFLAP then it is likely that you want to control the way you feel and wanting to change your circumstances - this should be your queue to release. Holding on to the want for control is a decision to suffer and it simply keeps us in a state of confusion and frustration that is likely to perpetuate the circumstances that made us anxious in the first place. Letting go of the core wants, including the want for control, enables a person to become more calm, confident, positive, focused, decisive and resourceful.

There are times when we actually let go of the want for control in the form of wanting to figure things out and the solution to our problem does not come to us straight away. It can be very discouraging when this kind of thing happens because it makes us feel inadequate and perhaps that God has rejected us and that we need to try to solve the problem ourselves.

A major part of the Christian life is surrender to God and this includes being willing to let go of wanting to do things our way and in our timing. We have to trust in God's ways and His timing, knowing that His ways are not our ways. We must acknowledge the fact that it might not be the right time for God to move in that situation and that the only thing we can really do it to wait. But if we allow ourselves to get anxious during such times, it will only make matters worse for us and will only prolong our struggle and suffering.