The Need for Inquiry – Part 2

I have been using inquiry through The Work of Byron Katie for almost three years now. I am amazed at the way in which inquiry seems to work for me every time, in that by the time I reach the turnaround, I experience a release from stress and the knowledge of the truth (whether or not I really wanted to hear that truth before I started asking the four questions). The only times that inquiry has not worked are when I have been drinking alcohol or when I’m very tired – but that is what you would expect anyway.

Inquiry – the Ultimate in Self-Realisation

I am convinced that inquiry is the ultimate method for establishing a conscious awareness of the truth from within. It is this awareness of the truth which can change a person’s beliefs, attitudes, and desires and ultimately their actions and behaviour – it all starts with what we think and believe. Who would have thought that our very own anxious thoughts provide us with everything we need in order to know our own mind and thoughts intimately and to find our own way out of the complex web of lies in which we have been caught-up in for so many years of our lives? You could say that inquiry is the ultimate in self-realisation.

Platitudes

For decades, self-help and spiritual gurus have written scores of books which tell people who they should think, feel, and behave in certain situations. All of this teaching has been well intended, but most of it doesn’t work. The reason for this is that a lot of it operates on the basis of giving a person a platitude and expecting them to do something with it. Such platitudes could include telling people to not get angry when someone provokes them or to do something nice for someone you love.

Changing Beliefs

What we believe establishes our attitude, which determines our feelings or desires, which in turn give rise to our actions or behaviour. So if you want to change your life, you need to change your beliefs.

It was around 1994 when I first read the book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr Joseph Murphy. This book changed my perspective towards my mind and my life when I first read it. It made so much sense to me that I had a conscious mind and a subconscious mind; our feelings and behaviour is governed largely by the beliefs we hold in our subconscious mind; and the beliefs we have in our conscious mind and subconscious mind can become significantly out of synch. This explained to me why I would find myself habitually doing the things I didn’t want to do, whilst struggling to do the things I wanted to do.

For many years now affirmations have been seen as the main way to change the beliefs we have in the subconscious mind. I remember when I first started to use affirmations about fifteen years ago. I got off to an enthusiastic start but then my efforts seem to wane. Like any other new habit such as eating healthily or keeping fit, I would go in predictable cycles of making a spurt of effort, putting it off to another day, before then forgetting about it until a few weeks or months later. I can’t honestly say that during that time I saw any significant change to my life.

Word of Faith

I eventually gave up on affirmations and self-help as I became more engrossed in Christianity. During the early "noughties" I became rather obsessive about Christian Word of Faith (also known by its critics as “Name it and Claim it”), particularly the teaching of Kenneth E. Hagin. Word of Faith is like a Christian equivalent of The Secret and The Law of Attraction. The whole idea behind W.O.F. is that if it is written in the Bible – you can have it. So if someone from ancient times middle-east was blessed by God with lavish wealth – you can have it too because it is written in the Bible. Obviously this system is abusive, misleading and does not work. I eventually started coming out of W.O.F. after about five years.

The Need for Inquiry – Part 1

I have been using releasing for three years now and inquiry for two and a half years. During this time I have come to see releasing as an effective, instantaneous, on-the-spot stress reliever; it is more than that actually in that it also provides a means of straightening-out my beliefs and attitudes, by showing me the degree to which the core wants play a part in my thinking. But I would say that it was the use of inquiry through The Work of Byron Katie, which provided me with the most effective way of questioning my beliefs that I had ever experienced. That is not to say that The Work is necessarily better than The Sedona Method – I am simply stating my own preferences and experiences, whilst keeping an open mind.

The Familiar Human Condition

I have found that when I use inquiry the same issues arise a lot of the time. Not every session of inquiry is the same and I often encounter something new that I didn’t know before; which is one of the reasons why inquiry is so amazing. Nevertheless, it seems that no matter what belief I seem to question, whether it is being stuck in a traffic jam or I am reading about the economic situation in the newspaper – inquiry seems to get me into that place deep within me that seems to be the source of all the dysfunction in my life. Despite our cultural and religious differences, it seems that human beings are very much the same in the way they think and react to certain situations. Psychology has sought to make an exact science out of this the way in which the mind behaves in lawful and predictable ways.

Byron Katie has remarked in the past on the way in which she has found that no matter where she takes The Work in the world – the same beliefs arise time and again. A couple could be in a war torn country with bombs and bullets flying everywhere, but the same beliefs express themselves: my husband should love me more; my wife shouldn’t nag so much and so on. So it seems that there is some benefit in hearing other people doing The Work – even people with from different countries with different socio-economic backgrounds.

So it seems that there is something of a common theme behind all the underlying dysfunction in the mind of man which seems to create so much stress and turmoil in life. It is this predictability that has caused self-help and spiritual gurus to establish so-called cure-all formulas for this common human dilemma. But of course, we all know that despite the incredible popularity, fame and fortune these gurus attain – a lot of people find that their methods simply do not work.

The Need to Inquire Within

I think one of the reasons why these self-help and spiritual principles and formulas do not work, is because there is a need to take responsibility for your own life, be allowed to make mistakes (and learn from them), develop and mature in your own time and to see what works (and doesn’t work) for yourself. What I like about The Work is that it is not a set of principles and formulas that you must follow in order to be happy and successful: The Work is more like a framework within which you ask yourself questions and tune-in to that part of you that has the answers and knows what’s best for you – rather than looking to some guru to tell you what you should or should not do.

Inquiry is gentle, patient and kind – inquiry does not make demands and push unreasonable expectations on yourself. Inquiry accepts where you are in life right now, it doesn’t make excuses, but rather, accepts responsibility for who you are and where you are and seeks freedom from stressful thoughts. It is in this freedom that you are able to make the decisions that are the best for you in this moment.

Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 22

Focus on the Here and Now

What some people tend to forget is that it takes more than focusing on a desired end result in order for a desired goal to manifest itself: it is all about what goes on between now and the final destination; it is all about the journey we take, the decisions we make along the way, our willpower, confidence, patience and determination; how good we are at making decisions; being open minded enough to spot good opportunities; and how good we get along with other people.

Let us not underestimate that last point: how good we get along with other people. If someone is selfish and unpleasant to get along with – they are unlikely to find happiness and fulfilment in life – even if they otherwise do achieve something substantial. I find that it is the people who have good personalities, who are willing to humble themselves and who make a habit of putting others first, who seem to get ahead of the rest in this life. The formation of character in the here-and-now, everyday life situations, is much more important than reaching some sort of idealistic future.

For me, my focus has gravitated from attracting specific titles, bank balances and “big ticket items” - to developing character, changing my nature: changing who I am on the inside rather than attracting something from the outside; I choose now to look within myself, rather than outside of myself for fulfilment.

It is exhausting to have to attract or claim every little thing you think you need in life – it is like having to submit a form every time you want to pay a bill, find a job, and seek a spouse or whatever. Wouldn’t it be so much better to simply attain, and maintain, the kind of disposition that cooperates with the natural flow of life and naturally attracts those things that you need in life at the right time – without having to coax and manipulate those things?

Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 21

The Need for Peace of Mind

I think when it comes to money the best thing in the world you can do is to not worry about it. In fact, I would say that this concept applies to everything in life. There is a natural order and flow to life, things happen around us and good things come into our lives, oftentimes, without us even having to do anything for it, without doing anything to deserve it, without thinking about it and certainly without having to claim it or attract it.

It is for this reason why inquiry is so effective: inquiry does not seek to claim things from God or attract things from the Universe – inquiry seeks to maintain peace of mind which is our optimum state of being. When your mind is at peace, free from worry, you are better able to make good decisions and to live without all of that stuff that you think you can’t live without.

A lack of money is a classic symptom of a myriad of issues in a person’s life – all of which can be traced down to the way they think. If a person struggles financially, it could be indicative of a lack of confidence leading to unwillingness to take risks; it could point to a disorganised mind that forgets things easily and makes silly mistakes.

So when it comes to having more money – I would say that what most people really need is peace of mind, confidence, happiness, contentment, intuition, balance and good self-esteem. It seems to me that most affirmation-based systems do not encourage these things – perhaps it is because they don’t seem to “sell” very well?

With the pursuit of money, job titles and salary figures comes a staunch effort-and-reward mentality that can result in a rather bitter, competitive mindset that does nothing more than enlist you in the rat-race of life.

I am a Christian and I know all the things that put people off Christianity and I accept that. But I must say that there is an exquisite beauty in the Words of Jesus in Matthew Chapter 6:

²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

²⁸ So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;

²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

³¹ Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:26-34 nkjv

I like The Message translation, which is a modern paraphrase, of Matthew 6:26, “Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.” Isn’t that what happens with a lot of people? They become tied down to job description?

But don’t take my word for it – do The Work for yourself and find the truth inside of you. But I hope you can see that without inquiry you have nothing to question your most pressing wants – nothing to bring a vital balance to your mind. Without inquiry, if you are prone to anxiety, you are likely to go off on a tangent, using affirmations to get what you want - the end result of this is inevitably disappointment, frustration and a conviction that affirmations don’t work.

Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 20

Instead of being given pep-talks based on incredible testimonies of what happened in someone else’s life - I would much rather have been given a balanced, realistic message that encouraged me to make the most of the life circumstances that I face right now at this very moment.

The Need to Question Your Beliefs

Instead, I actively and forcefully reacted against my life circumstances in the hope of something more exciting and rewarding. I believe that it is this which is the main source of anxiety: it is the way in which we war against our life circumstances in our mind.

Thankfully, this is where through The Work of Byron Katie comes to the fore. The Work uses four questions and a “turnaround” to gently lead a person to see that the thought that they were holding onto so tightly, which is causing them so much stress, is simply not true. It is not just the thoughts of lack and defeat which can cause stress – it is also the incessant thoughts which demand that we need this or that in order to be happy, popular or secure.

Unfortunately, it is the things we cling onto in order to give us hope that we do not even consider to dare question – even though they are fuelling our anxious state. It is often these wrong desires around which we will make affirmations. A common example of this would be the desire for more money: when we make poor financial decisions and feel a sense of lack, we inevitably react with thoughts that insist we need more money. Therefore, such a person could start affirming something such as, “Money now flows to me copiously and effortlessly.”

But the people who think they need more money are often trying to compensate for something else in their life: they probably have a low self-esteem and assume they will be more popular if they have a big house, expensive car and flashy job title; perhaps such a person finds themselves in the red every month, because they spend money on things that they think will make them happy, therefore they buy things that they don’t really need, racking-up a debt on their credit cards.

Perhaps you are trying to maintain a lifestyle that you simply can’t afford? Do you think that God or the Universe is going to see to it that more money flows to you so that you can continue to live in your own little fantasy world?

Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 19

Effort and Reward

I believe that there is a need to veer away from achievement, to some extent. There is a need to get away from constantly trying to merit the approval of others and to achieve great things in order to be awarded with something. This mindset of effort-and-reward can become a man-trap that imprisons you in the rat-race, with the rest of the “rats” who think the same way you do.

I wondered why I often didn’t seem to achieve anything substantial in my own life. I think one of the reasons for this could have been the anxious drive to achieve things in order to deserve something – as if something good can’t happen in my life unless I do something to earn it.

The Law of Attraction states that whatever it is you focus on – you attract. If you think about it for a moment, people who are anxiously driven to perform, do so from a mindset of lack. It is good to be motivated, but not when you feel threatened that nothing good will ever happen unless you achieve this or that – such a mindset is one of fear. It certainly can be frightening when you feel your best efforts are never good enough; that there is always someone better than yourself out there.

I would say that whilst it is good and healthy to seek to achieve good things and to maintain a good standard of performance in what you do – there is also an equal need to know that good things can happen in your life, without your intervention, without your having to deserve it.

The Law of Serendipity

You could call this concept of veering away from the law of effort and reward - the law of serendipity. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word “serendipity” means:

The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

Have you noticed that there are some people who just seem to be plain lucky? Such people might be good at what they do and could never be considered lazy, but at the same time, they’re not always anxiously striving to be better than everyone around them. Then there are the people who are highly competitive, they are always trying to be the best. Such people might actually maintain a high level of performance. Yet, it might be that the normal, “lucky” person seems to be happier and have a better quality of life than the high-performance person.

I have noticed that highly competitive people can often harbour a negative side to their personality. Pride is often the inevitable result of an anxious, performance-driven mindset. I’m not talking here about pride as in healthy self-esteem – I’m talking about pride as in conceitedness and disdain towards others.

Affirmations often focus on achievement to the point whereby this law of serendipity does not get even a brief consideration. Performance affirmations can become a distraction that encourages a highly competitive mindset that feels there is no such thing as “good luck” and that good things have to be deserved in life. It is for this reason that balance must be attained if affirmations are to be effective.

Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 18

The Law of Attraction (Continued)

If your focus is on attracting a big-ticket item, such as an expensive car, from the universe – to a great extent that out-sources a great deal of effort and responsibility to some invisible, intangible “force”. It is wonderful that this magical, mystical way of tackling life’s issues, serves to take the limits off your thinking and expectations – I respect that. But at the same time I feel that it also encourages fantasy and ridiculous expectations rather than realistic expectations. It all comes down to the concept of escapism that I related at the beginning of this series of blog entries.

It would be wonderful if we could all just close out eyes and think of all the things we would like to have, do or be – then wake-up one day to see them manifested in our lives. But it does not work like that because we are the ones who have to do something about it. Anything worth achieving in this life requires hard work, wisdom, dedication, confidence and a level-head capable of making good decisions; I would also add to this list the need to have a good personality that gets on well with others.

Self-help methods like The Law of Attraction are appealing to neurotics because they do away with the need to attain and maintain these human personality traits – the type of things that they struggle with. Instead, they invite us to change nothing about ourselves, stubbornly maintain their character flaws, kick-back and allow the “universe” to deliver its plenteous bounty on their doorstep – as if by magic.

“Magic Thinking”

Hale Dwoskin, the President of Sedona Associates which conducts training in the Sedona Method – uses an analogy in his training on goal setting to demonstrate something that he calls “Magic Thinking”. This analogy is not used to demonstrate the futility of thinking big and reaching for the impossible. This analogy is used to convey the need to put yourself in the same frame as your goals and affirmations. A person could make a goal such as, “My apartment is clean.” This seems like a plausible at first, until you ask the question of whom or what is going to clean your apartment? Do you expect some little fairies with brushes to sweep and tidy your apartment while you sleep?

This might sound ridiculous as we know that it is you who will clean the apartment (or you will pay someone else to do it for you). But the subconscious mind needs to see you in the frame, as it is by your own effort that you will reach your goal of getting the apartment clean. Therefore, a more precise and realistic goal statement would be, “I clean my apartment.”

I borrow this analogy of “Magic Thinking” in order to convey the way in which New Age methods of goal-setting and affirmations, primarily The Law of Attraction, tend to divert the focus away from the development of character, the need to commit to a course of consistent effort and good decision making – towards focusing on a fantasy lifestyle in the future.

When it comes to using affirmations and setting goals – I would be inclined to drop the New Age speak, anything which sounds magical and mystical; words such as, “universe” or “vibration”. I suppose it would be alright to use such words only if they are in the type of context that a non-spiritual person would used, such as, “I am the type of person who people resonate with – I have the kind of personality that gives off a positive vibe”. In summary, I would opt for plain language and commonsense, attainable goals.