The Law of Attraction – Part 3

I've been thinking about this again and realise that this rediscovered journey into faith could resolve a few areas of confusion.

As I've mentioned before: I started my journey into the Christian grace message with my own revelation of what's come to be known as the Unionist message. Like others, I was led to believe that every little thing I did was an expression of the Holy Spirit living in me. Now I know this can't be true because not everything that I do is befitting of Christ. I liked the Unionist message because it went a long way towards explaining how ordinary people could achieve great, sometimes superhuman, things.  It also did a lot to relieve the burden of trying to be, do or have something your are not, through an effort of the will.

But I was always perplexed by what I would call The Evil Genius Syndrome: intelligent people using their ability and power for their personal gain, but to the detriment of the masses. The theory of Law of Attraction helps us to understand how people can use power, God-given power, for selfish or even evil purposes. I think it has something to do with the sheer power of believing in yourself.  There is a need to redefine selfishness. Fulfilling your own destiny and receiving blessings which benefit only yourself, are fine. Its only when your behaviour and actions adversely affect others, that it indeed becomes selfish and a bad thing.

When I think about it now, angels following people around, micro-managing every little things they say, think or do - it doesn't sound realistic. Even Law of Attraction points towards the inner self which is in tune with the Universe or God; and has the power to manifest those things you focus on and believe. I like the Unionist message in that it highlights those Bible verses that basically tell us that through Christ we are complete, possessing all the potential that we need to fulfil our destiny. Like others, I was confused because I was told that I already had the divine nature - but could hardly see any evidence of it in my life. The key to unlocking that God-given power from within, is through the mind. Firstly by establishing an overall positive disposition - predisposed to think positive thoughts and experience positive emotions, behaviour and experiences. Secondly, by exercising faith, Law of Attraction - they're the same thing really.

I prefer Law of Attraction to Word of Faith because its not limited to a Biblical framework. Kenneth Hagin always used to say in his books that whatever you wanted, see if there is a Bible verse that says you can have it. Darin Hufford of the Free Believers Network calls this Back-up Verse Theology. I know from experience that this can lead to extracting Bible verses out of their context and twisting them to suit a person's own needs. I'm sure everyone would agree that there are no Bible verses that say you can have a particular model of car (or any vehicle with an engine for that matter). Many Christian quote Philippians 4:19 as the basis for receiving what they want - but its rather generic, to say the least.

I can't help feeling frustrated with Hagin and Word of Faith. But I need to remind myself that Hagin was something of a pioneer for his time: he faced a great deal of opposition for extolling Biblical faith for healing and finances. Hagin also refuted following the Ten Commandments, pointing out the fact that we are under a New Covenant of love now; if we walk in love, we fulfil all the Ten Commandments. Hagin faced a lot of opposition for his stance on the Ten Commandments. At least Hagin got Christians thinking about living by faith and experiencing health and prosperity. Hagin also concurred with a lot of what the Unionist Message has to say. Grace preacher Joseph Prince often quotes Kenneth E. Hagin as being a major influence (perhaps the main influence, from what I gather) in his ministry.

Some teachers, including Hagin and Norman Vincent Peal (author of The Power of Positive Thinking) say that there is power in Bible verses. I believe in the power of God and the Gospel. I also value the Bible as a source of inspirational spiritual writings, which we can look to for guidance and encouragement.  But I'm inclined to believe now that any perceived power in Bible verses themselves is self-attributed, somewhat like the placebo effect. If someone experiences a miracle which they attribute to a Bible verse - I suppose it can't be a bad thing, in fact, its a good thing. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that a particular sequence of words has power, because they’re from the Bible.  I see that some Christians struggle to believe they can have, be or do some things - unless they're convinced that at least one Bible verse confirms it – this is rather restrictive, in my opinion.  I like Law of Attraction in that it focuses on the spiritual law of like-attracts-like, without getting distracted with many of the distractions of religion.  One can still believe in God and be a Christian, its just that Law of Attraction allows a shift of focus that might be beneficial for a time.

I like the way that Law of Attraction simply advocates attuning to your inner self to see what it is you really want. Experience has shown, however, that a confused, negative-minded person is often distracted by things they think they want, but don't really need. But it all comes down to the need to somehow first develop an overall balanced and solid disposition. Even "following the Word" by using the Bible as a guidebook, won't help much in the case of a confused person with a negative disposition. We must bear in mind that the Bible is open to human interpretation.  The same thing goes for sin: if a person is balanced and solid, they'll be inclined to know what’s right for them and have a good sense of what's right for everyone else, from a moral perspective. A person can't necessarily avoid sinning by being told what's right or wrong from their understanding of the Bible.

The Law of Attraction – Part 2

After listening to The Law of Attraction abridged version, I decided to download The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The Secret is about Rhonda Byrne's experience with The Law of Attraction. Her marketing gambit with The Secret is in making reference to great people from the past - such as Plato, Mozart and the like, whom she claims used The Secret, although they might not have been aware of it. The book seemed to consist of a lot of quotes from various self help author's such as Joe Vitale and Jack Canfield. In fact, the quotes made up about 20 to 25 percent of the actual book. As you'd expect, there's not a great deal of new information in this book - it basically echoes what was already said in the LOA (as well as many other related books). However, there are some good points she makes. She emphasises the need to be grateful for what you have and to take the time to express that gratitude. She also emphasises the need to have positive emotions in order to attract positive circumstances. Rhonda Byrne recommends finding those things that make you happy and doing them when you feel down, in order to make a positive shift in your emotions.

As you'd expect, The Secret was full of anecdotes from well known self-help guru's of how they achieved amazing things. There's a testimony from Morris Goodman, the Miracle Man, who, after being paralysed from a plane crash, made a remarkable recovery through positive thinking. There's also a testimony from Jack Canfield, who was able to purchase a 4.5 million dollar mansion through believing in the success of his Chicken Soup for the Soul books. These people and their books often go on about how we can achieve anything we want. I'm uncomfortable with this approach as it encourages insecure people to try to attract incredible things into their life - things that they think will make them happy. What is evident to me is that in order to attract positive things into your life, you first have to be a balanced, secure and positive minded person first.

I read in a related book by James Weaver that its important to be content just as you are: you need to be able to live without those things that you're trying to attract. This probably goes a long way towards explaining why these things didn't work for me in the past. But I'm convinced that there is something to all of this - once you get away from all the marketing hype. In reality, I believe what we're able to attract is probably somewhat more down to earth than the stories we've been told. Its all about being true to what you really want in your heart - what is truly right for you at that time. But when a person is negative and confused - it becomes difficult to identity or to believe in those things. They say its as easy to attract a million dollars as it is to attract ten dollars. I suppose they're just trying to take the limits off our thinking. But its not an invitation to fantasise about things that are really not meant to be in our lives. There is a lot of confusion about this kind of thing and I wish self-help authors would do a lot more to clarify these things.

As I said before: I wasn't ready to use the Law of Attraction in the past as I was too negative. Its all about a person's disposition: if a person is positive, on the whole, they'll tend to attract positive people and things into their life; the reverse is also true. In fact, I'd say that positive people don't really have to use the LOA, as they're already using it, to some extent, without realising it. If a person is struggling with depression and anxiety, they'll no doubt want to attract a few, big, incredible things into their life, which they believe will change their life and make them happy. This approach won't work. For these reasons, I'd say that any method that shifts a person's overall disposition towards the positive, is more important than LOA related teaching and activity.

As a Christian I needed to focus on and accept the grace message. I needed to go beyond the righteousness-by-faith message of Joseph Prince, and to embrace the Freebeliever message, in order to take a critical look at religion and the church-life. Many Christians seem to stay at that stage: going over the grace message again and again. For me, I also needed to release negative beliefs by using The Work of Byron Katie. But now I feel that I can't progress much further with these methods. I've come a long way in the last five years and can honestly say that I've changed a lot and can be truly grateful for what I have. But I feel as if I'm living my life to fifty percent capacity. Some days I feel like my glass is half full, other times I feel my glass is half empty. I go from feeling genuinely grateful for what I have, to feeling unfulfilled.  I've made a big effort to come to terms with reality and to be happy with what I have, but I feel like I'm missing out on some things and I could do better.

I wanted to get the perspective of the LOA from someone lower down the food chain than Jack Canfield and his 4.5 million dollar mansion. So I downloaded a couple of eBooks by James Weaver to my Kindle. They're only short books, less than fifty pages, that relate his experience with LOA. James Weaver related things like how he was able to get some animals for his farm for free - through belief. He describes his experiences and some of the things he attracted, in the eBook, The 30 Day Attraction Experiment. In The Attraction Blueprint, James Weaver recommends a series of steps to attracting what you want in your life. He recommends taking time to determine what you really want and then making a written statement declaring that you already have it. He lists the techniques in the following order:
1) Visualisation; 2) Expressing gratitude; 3) Practising acceptance; 4) Reading your intention statement; 5) Eliminating limiting beliefs; 6) Raising your expectations; 7) Affirmations.

I've been thinking about what I really want. Unsurprisingly, a brand new Ferrari is pretty low down on the list.  I feel as if I'm in a stalemate situation now and that nothing will change unless I do something about it. So I'm going to make a written statement of my intentions for the things that are important to me now. James Weaver recommends reading your statement of intentions a few times first thing in the morning and last thing at night (and once or twice in between, during the day if you can).

The LOA and The Secret both quote Bible verses pertaining to asking, believing and receiving. It struck me that there is actually and accord between LOA and Word of Faith as taught by Kenneth E. Hagin. There are verses about faith in the Bible that cannot be ignored. It seems that with the focus that people put on the grace message, they seem to forget all about these verses of faith. But to do this would be to ignore a significant aspect of The Gospel of Jesus Christ. I couldn't get LOA-style self-help and Word of Faith teaching to work for me in the past. So when the grace message came along I kind of ring-fenced all of that off in my life. If there is no credibility to faith and LOA then that would refute a substantial amount of Christian and self-help teaching out there - including the Bible. I feel as if I've come full circle now and have returned to the very kind of teaching that set me on my spiritual path. Its good to know that perhaps all of that teaching in the past is not all bogus after all. But I'm interested in knowing more about why it didn't work for me in the past and, more importantly, how I can apply these teachings and methods into my life now.

The Law of Attraction – Part 1

Technorati Tags: Law of Attraction

I've often referred to The Law of Attraction as being the Self Help/New Age equivalent of Christian Word of Faith. But in all honestly I'd never actually read or listened to LOA. So I recently decided to download the abridged version of the audio book from Audible. I just wanted to post my initial thoughts about it here.

The thing that surprised me the most was that the recording was from the eighties and was of Esther Hicks actually channelling the group of discarnate entities collectively known as "Abraham". Esther spoke with what I'd describe as an Eastern European accent while speaking on behalf of Abraham. She sounded rather robotic, a bit like an alien, I thought. I was not expecting this at all and felt it was a bit creepy. As you'd expect, there are red flags throughout the recording for most Christians. Only Freebelievers would be open-minded enough to listen all the way through. For example, there are references to reincarnation.
The main issue, which is the very essence of the theory, is that you are in complete control of your life through your thoughts; you can have anything you want if you can believe it; everything that happens to you is the result of the focus of your thinking. If you're the victim of an injustice then its your fault, because you attracted it through your wrong thinking. I believe that much of what happens in life is, to an extent, random. We often develop beliefs based upon random life occurrences. The study of this is known as Operant Conditioning.

I do believe to an extent, that our beliefs do attract circumstances to us, according to what we believe: whether they are good or bad.  I’ve experienced this myself, I believe, many times.  I also believe in some sort of "karma": if a person is driven by negative beliefs, attitudes, thoughts and emotions - they will attract negative circumstances as a result, directly or indirectly. This could be likened to some degree to punishment for sin - but more of a correction, a learning process, than mere punishment. But this operates on a more direct, physical level as well as a spiritual level. For instance, if a person's attitude is proud, their inevitable rudeness towards another will likely provoke hostility from them. Such a person cannot exactly say they are being punished by God as a result of this. If a person is depressed all the time, its likely they'll do little to attract other people to them, other than people who themselves are dull and depressed. I feel LOA does not quite cover this idea of karma. Although it could be implied through the generic idea of LOA.

There is no mention of God or a divine plan for your life. But to be fair, LOA does emphasise the fact that your inner being knows what is best for you and what you really want - I agree with that. But there seems to be no allowing for the fact that many people are confused and don't know what they want on a conscious level; or they think they know what they want, but actually want the wrong things; or they want the right things but with wrong motives. The focus of LOA is on what you want. In fact, Abraham constantly repeats the phrase, "What you are wanting", over and over again like a mantra.

I've covered what I see as the bad points - are there any good points?  Actually, yes, there are. I do believe in some kind of Law of Attraction: our persistent thoughts creating beliefs that attract circumstances of like-kind to us. I like the focus on our thoughts attracting like thoughts, people and circumstances. I like the fact that the focus is on self, rather than trying to control or judge others. When you realise that you are responsible (to whatever extent) for what happens in your life - you can take action to attract what it is you actually want. Then there is no need to control or judge other people, who are responsible for their own destiny.

LOA does not recommend monitoring all of our thoughts. But to simply be aware of this universal law and to make an effort to focus on the things you really want, instead of what you don't want. They recommend spending 15-20 minutes each day in a "workshop" in which you focus on what you want, with positive emotion. I like this idea of a workshop: it seems simple and practical.

In conclusion, I believe there could be something viable to the Law of Attraction - if you are open-minded about it. There are some things that you might no agree with, but you can mentally filter them out. The focus on being able to have anything you want through your thoughts, is somewhat exaggerated and imbalanced, in my opinion. But I like the focus on what you think about the most - you are likely to attract. The 15 minute workshop is a great idea. But it does not account for those who are immature, imbalanced and insecure. Personally, I unsuccessfully dabbled with ideas such as LOA in the past. I'm returning to things like this now because I've matured over recent years, so I feel ready to try these things. This maturity has come through time and experience, often painful experience. As a Christian, I had to detox from religion through the grace message: Joseph Prince's righteousness-by-faith emphasis, followed by Freebeliverism. At the same time as FBN, I also started The Work of Byron Katie, which helped me greatly in letting go of negative, confusing beliefs.

I Need…I’ll Never…

Ever since I found that one inquiry session with a particular belief is usually not enough to affect a significant change – I’ve been trying various different ways of scheduling my Inquiry sessions.

I find that I can effectively do two Inquiry sessions, back-to-back. Therefore, what I find works rather well is doing one Inquiry session in the morning and two back-to-back session in the evening. Like anything else in life, Inquiry is one of those things that has to be done regularly in order to see results. I’ve tried “marathon” sessions of The Work during week-ends, but I found it exhausting – but I know I can stick with 3 sessions a day.

Like any other Self-Help method and good habit, I sometimes miss sessions and get out of the habit of using Inquiry. But I’m convinced of the power and simplicity of The Work now, so not too much time goes by without me using Inquiry.

I’ve experimented with “round-robin” methods of Inquiry: questioning certain beliefs on one day, another set of beliefs the next day and so on. But what I’m doing at the moment is focusing on questioning three different beliefs, but focusing on a different aspect of those beliefs on alternate days.

Let me explain further: on one day I question a belief from the aspect that I’ll never have it, then the next day I focus on the aspect of whether I need that thing. I find that I need and I’ll never are both two sides of the same coin, so to speak.

When I believe that I’ll never have a certain thing, I lose conscious awareness of the fact that I’ve experienced the same, or similar things in the past; I forget in that moment that good things have happened to me, that I have some good things right now and that I’ve made good decisions in the past. When I inquire into a belief using I’ll never, my heart reminds me of times in my life when good things did happen and I made decisions that turned out well for me.

I’ll never or I can’t comes from a sense of despair, guilt and regret. Inquiry can bring a person out of this sense of despair and into a state of hope, as they realise that they can indeed have that thing. This is not fantasy, it is not about claiming or attracting things that we think we need – it is about maintaining optimism and hope – it’s about believing in the best for yourself.

I need comes from a sense of lacking security and acceptance: the belief that I am not whole, lovable and effective, just as I am right now. I need affirms that I need something in order to be happy, safe and accepted by others. When anxiously hold onto the desire for something that I think will make me happy – I at once move away from the certainty that I am love, I am complete and that I have everything that I need in this moment.

When I cling to I need – I look to other people, achievement and material things to fulfil me, instead of embracing the fulfilment of the incredible person I am in this moment.

In order to address an anxious thought from more than one perspective, try asking I need and I’ll never…

Byron Katie Quotes

Byron Kathleen Mitchell, or Byron Katie as she is better known, was born on the 6th of December, 1942 in the U.S.A. Her published books include "Loving What Is", "I Need Your Love—Is That True?", "Question Your Thinking, Change the World", and "A Thousand Names for Joy: A Guide to Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are".

Byron Katie is known the most for the simple process of self-inquiry which she calls “The Work”. This process is four questions followed by what is known as a “turnaround”. This process is an effective way of finding freedom from stressful thoughts. You can find out more at this link: http://thework.com

Here are some popular quotes by Byron Katie:

• "Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don't have to like it... it's just easier if you do."
• "All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment."
• "The miracle of love comes to you in the presence of the un-interpreted moment. If you are mentally somewhere else, you miss real life."
• "Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them"
• "Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn't need to happen."
• "When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time."
• "All the advice you ever gave your partner is for you to hear"
• "As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise."
• "A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years."
• "When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart, your Work is done."
• "Whatever it takes for you to find your freedom, that's what you've lived."
• "If you put your hand into a fire, does anyone have to tell you to move it? Do you have to decide? No: When your hand starts to burn, it moves. You don’t have to direct it; the hand moves itself. In the same way, once you understand, through inquiry, that an untrue thought causes suffering, you move away from it."
• "Don't be careful. You could hurt yourself."
• "Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing has ever happened that didn't need to happen."
• "Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector—mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise."
• "Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it—that you are it."
• "You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to to suffer."
• “If I think that someone else is causing my problem, I’m insane.”
• “There is only one problem, ever: your un-investigated story in the moment.”
• “If our thinking is clear, how could work or money be the problem? Our thinking is all we need to change.”
• “I don't let go of concepts - I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.”

A Better Perspective on Money – Self-Talk Script

Here is an example of a Self-Talk script that I wrote in order to give myself a better perspective on money.  Rather than just using the typical affirmations that declare I attract money – I decided to listen to what my heart was telling me when I questioned my stressful thoughts using The Work of Byron Katie.  I decided to put some of the salient points from my Inquiry sessions on money and corporate success – into my Self-Talk scripts.

I realise that it’s more important to make good decisions with my money, than to have a fancy job title and high salary figure.

It is my right to prosper financially, get my needs met and live a good quality of life - regardless of my performance in the workplace.

My job title and salary figure are not indications of my ability to prosper financially and get my needs met. There is a lot more to do with prospering financially than earning a salary. What really counts is making good decisions with my money, buying and selling things at the right time, making good investments, saving diligently and being careful with how I spend my money.

I know that happiness has very little to do with how much money I have in the bank. I can be truly happy and content with whatever I have in this moment.

The best thing that I can do to prosper financially is to maintain peace of mind – free from worry about money. When my mind is at peace, I am in a position to make good decisions. A peaceful mind knows how much, when and with whom.

I know that currencies, interest rates, inflation, trade deficits and house prices fluctuate all the time. But I don’t look to those things to determine my prosperity – I look to the wisdom within me to make the right decisions that will steer me through life to financial victory. So while the economy goes up and down – my mind and emotions remain steady.

When it comes to climbing the corporate ladder – I realise that my success in the workplace is not just determined by what I achieve corporate success also requires confidence, people skills, kindness and courtesy and a happy disposition. So I make every effort to ensure that these vital life skills are always at work in me.

The Love Factor – Part 3

There seems to be an assumption in self-help circles that if you attain or achieve a certain thing, such as wealth, then all the happiness and sense of happiness, fulfilment, security, significance and self-worth that you mentally associate with it – will also be yours to possess. But many people have experienced that even when they get that promotion and pay-rise, romantic partner or even fame and fortune that they have always dreamed of – it does not change who they are and how they feel.

So if we take all these things into consideration, it seems that Self-Talk, although promising and potentially useful – could actually be rather imbalanced and incomplete, unless we factor love and the development of character into the equation.

When it comes to love, I believe that The Work of Byron Katie is the best thing I’ve ever come across. The Work does not seek to give people formulas and principles to live by; neither does The Work give you a whole lot of New Age spiritual-sounding theories. The Work is like a framework within which you question your own anxious thoughts with four questions and a “turnaround” – to discover that what you thought was true, is not true. The real wisdom that you gain from Inquiry is from within your own heart – not necessarily from someone else’s theories.

The anxious mind says…

• I need this or that to be happy.
• I need to work harder so I can achieve more.
• People should appreciate me more.
• So-and-so should be like this or that.
• I’ll never, I can’t…

Inquiry refutes all of these things and more, bringing you to the “turnaround” which is just as true as or truer than the original statement. Inquiry is a process of self-discovery and freedom from the fears, taboos, ideals and grudges that have held you captive for so long.

In the past, people have assumed that love is making an effort to be nice to a person; a warm, “gushy” feeling on the inside; or a strong attraction towards a person. But reality, love is much more than these things. I believe that love has a lot more to do with acceptance: of yourself as you are now, of other people as they are and of your current circumstances. Fear tries to predict the future and control circumstances. Love embraces the present and seeks to make the most of now. Fear looks to the other person to make more of an effort, to be different, to change to be someone they are not. Love accepts the other person as they are and seeks to change the way you see that person from a negative to a positive light.

Inquiry seems to be the premier method of changing attitudes and garnering love by finding truth from within. However, I don’t believe that Inquiry is suitable for re-programming your subconscious mind – that is where Self-Talk comes to the fore.

All in all I believe what will work to change a person’s life by changing the way they think – is by somehow channelling the results of Inquiry back into your Self-Talk scripts. In this way, the wisdom you discover within yourself in relation to your anxious thoughts can be used to re-programme your subconscious mind. Otherwise, you run the risk of one of two things:

1. You use Self-Talk or other affirmations method to re-programme your mind, but you are to busy trying to meet goals, achieve the impossible and get more money - than developing character and love.
2. You use Inquiry to discover the truth behind your stressful thoughts. You come to see that those thoughts aren’t true. But for some reason, those anxious thoughts keep on cropping-up, time and again, with just as much stress as before.

One of the results of this combination between Inquiry and Self-Talk will be a set of Self-Talk scripts that might differ somewhat from what you would normally expect. There will be the usual affirmations of achievement and believing in yourself, but there will also be affirmations which see things from a different perspective.

I will hopefully post some examples of these alternative Self-Talk scripts soon.

The Love Factor – Part 2

Another thing about affirmations in general is that they do not consider right and wrong motive. There is an assumption in self-help circles that people know what they want and that their motives are genuine. There is this idea that whatever a person desires is something that they indeed should attain, and can attain, if they use the correct principles and formulas. There is therefore a need to be able to somehow discern what is genuine from our motives and to bring our desires into question in order to know what is right for us.

It is for this reason that I recommend using The Work of Byron Katie to question even your most precious, or even most convincing, goals and desires. Discovering and telling yourself that you actually can have a thing, is a powerful step towards finding peace. But also finding out and telling yourself that you actually don’t need that thing right now, is also a powerful step towards finding peace. Not surprisingly, you won’t see any affirmations that tell yourself that you don’t actually need those things that you desire the most – unless it is dealing with a habit, such as alcohol or smoking.

It is very frustrating when you feel that you are achieving a lot and doing a good job – only to find that someone who achieves less, but is more well liked (and perhaps more consistent) than you are – is appreciated and rewarded more. This is just one of the examples in which love is a significant factor.

In this example, Self-Talk directed solely towards achievement and performance, is only tackling part of the issue. So it seems that if Self-Talk is to be of any use, in some cases at least, there is a need for something more – there is a need for something which encourages and attracts love.

As I have said in recent blog entries, I have veered away from achievement of goals, towards the formation of character. This is because I believe that it is who you are on the inside that changes your environment: how you feel on the inside, how you relate to others, how others relate to you, what you achieve, how organised and efficient you are and your attitude towards things.

There are so many more examples that I could give in relation to love and character development versus achievement and attainment. You could have lots of friends, be surrounded by people you get on well with, yet feel terribly lonely. You could go on a date with an attractive member of the opposite sex, but lack the personality to sustain a worthwhile relationship. You could make a great effort to treat people with kindness, even perform acts of benevolence – yet be treated with rejection and hostility in return. You could achieve a major goal, perhaps go on the holiday of a lifetime, but if you don’t have love in your life – it won’t make you feel any better and it won’t change your life.

There seems to be a higher spiritual law in effect when it comes to love. This law of love is something that none of us can avoid and it affects every area of our lives. Love is the very essence of our higher nature, but it seems to depend a great deal on our beliefs and attitudes when it comes to how and when we allow it to work in our lives.

When it comes to what love actually is and how it expresses itself from our higher nature, I believe that First Corinthians 13:4-7 explains what it is:

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 nkjv

There seems to be so much more than accompanies love as well: joy, peace, intuition, vitality and so on.

If you are going to use Self-Talk or any other method of affirmations – I think it would be a good idea to include statements which encourage the development of the above qualities.

The Love Factor – Part 1

I’ve already mentioned in recent blog entries that I am inclined to believe that the best, most balanced approach to affirmations has to be that of Shad Helmstetter as presented in his books What to Say When You Talk to Yourself and The Self-Talk Solution.

Self-Talk seems to be like a pep-talk to me – but one that can actually re-program your subconscious mind with new, positive directives. It is all about changing your attitude from a negative one to a positive one. Self-Talk helps you to see things from a different perspective – a positive one; instead of telling yourself that you can’t do, be or have something – you tell yourself that you can.

So Self-Talk definitely seems to have its merits. I’m not entirely convinced, as yet, that it actually works – but I’m still optimistic and curious about it enough to stick with it and see what happens. But if Self-Talk works as well as the author says it does – it is worth giving it a go.

I like the fact that Self-Talk is balanced and realistic – there are no affirmations that tell you that you’re a millionaire or otherwise significantly wealthy. In fact, in amongst all the thirty or so Self-Talk scripts in the book The Self-Talk Solution, there are only about one or two scripts on the subject of money. This is likely to disappoint some, but I feel that the balance is right. After all, there’s more to life than money and there’s more to making money than just telling yourself that you have it. Some of the Self-Talk scripts in this book cover specific areas, such as losing weight or quitting smoking, whilst others are about believing in yourself and being motivated. But it is all stuff that I think most people could believe and accept.

But now that I read the Self-Talk scripts, there seems to be something missing. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety to one extent or another – but the last 15 years or so has been rather difficult. I would say that the past 15 years have taught me what love is, ironically, by experiencing what life is like without it. In fact, a distinct lack of love has probably been the root cause of my depression and anxiety in the first place.

What often motivates people to use affirmations, goal-setting and other self-help principles and formulas – is the promise of fulfilment and happiness, often through the achievement and attainment of things. There seems to be a direct connection in our minds between what we have or do, with how we feel on the inside. We have literally become programmed to see achievement and the attainment of money and material goods, as being the measure of how good we feel on the inside. We have just learned to believe that if we can just find the formula to get and do the things we need – all of those things that we associate with love, will inevitably accompany those achievements.

I find that what life has shown me is that a lot of the time, what I have or do has very little to do with how I feel emotionally. There are so many misnomers in life which have us striving for all the things we think will make us happy, when all along, they don’t have a great deal to do with our mental and emotionally well-being.

A classic example of this concept is the workaholic who works hard in the office in the hope of advancement and a sense of personal satisfaction. Little does this person realise that no matter how hard you work, if people don’t have a good opinion of you, it could achieve a lot less than you expect it to. It is quite possible to work hard all year – only to make some little mistake down the line, which seems to greatly diminish the confidence you have in yourself, as well as the confidence that others have in you. Again, it all comes down to the opinion that other people have of you. If you know that others have a low opinion of you, then you know that just one little mistake could deal a mortal blow to your career progression.

The Need for Self-Talk – Part 7

The Heart Connection

The good thing about Inquiry (also known as The Work) is that you get an immediate response from within yourself, from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind; a connection is made and a response is given. However, with Self-Talk, there hardly ever seems to be a connection within yourself, as far as I am aware. Sometimes I “tune-in” to the Self-Talk recording, but more often than not, I seem to “tune-out”. I suppose you could say that you are not consciously aware of the impact it is having on your subconscious mind – but the subconscious mind is being re-programmed – even though you don’t feel it. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure what the truth is with this.

I must say that there are times when I listen to Self-Talk and it’s as if I really need to hear it – I listen to it consciously and revel in each word spoken. This typically happens when I get anxious about something, but do not question it with The Work, for one reason or another. In such cases, it’s as if the anxiety literally clings to me – even the next day. I can experience a similar sense of relief to using Inquiry, when I listen to some motivating Self-Talk. However, I would never advocate the use of Self-Talk alone as a substitute for Inquiry, but as a supplement to it.

Then there are the times when I feel overwhelmed with anxiety over something – at such times, I just seem to be oblivious to any Self-Talk I listen to. When I’m really anxious about something, I need to use Releasing or Inquiry to find freedom from it.

Conclusion

It’s just early days now: I’ve only been using Self-Talk for a few weeks and I can’t say that I’ve noticed a great deal of improvement and I can’t say that I have accomplished any goals because of it. But it seems to be quite convincing and compelling. Who knows if this will turn out to be yet another self-help fad that gets consigned to history?

I feel that the 15 year period since I last used Self-Talk has taught me a great deal. I have tried to express many of the things I’ve learned during that time under the affirmations tag. But I am aware of the fact that life is a journey that each of us need to encounter. It is difficult to learn the lessons of life from a book, or otherwise from someone else’s writings. You can learn some guidelines from a book, such as parenting or car maintenance – but the very skills of life itself – that kind of wisdom can only be experienced.

Hopefully, I am now older and wiser and having fallen foul of the excesses of affirmations and goal-setting and other unrealistic promises that self-help teaching seems to convey – I can now make good use of affirmations, through Self-Talk, in conjunction with Releasing, and especially, Inquiry.

The Need for Self-Talk – Part 6

Goal-Setting and Being Organised

Self-Talk seems to be heavily goal-oriented and a lot of scripts in the book, The Self Talk Solution, contain statements about achieving goals.  Goal-setting requires that a person focus on something desired in the future.  For me, I see this as a guaranteed formula for anxiety.  I am now more inclined to veer away from setting goals and I tend to concentrate on experiencing peace of mind in the moment.  This necessitates focusing my mind on the everyday life, here-and-now things which are in front of me.  Goal setting invites fantasy which more often than not leads to disappointment.

But now that I have returned to Self-Talk, I am becoming more convinced of the positive effects of goal-setting.  But as Shad points out in his books – there is a need to set simple and realistic goals.  This, I believe, could help a person to be more organised and effective, as well as creating a sense of achievement upon the accomplishment of a goal.

Positive minded people often set goals and achieve them – but it is something of an automatic process with them.  I’m not entirely sure that negative minded people can artificially re-create the effects of goal-setting and get it to work for them.  I suppose I just need to find the right balance between what is realistic and achievable and what is nothing more than speculation or fantasy.

Another thing that I had a hard time accepting in Shad’s books was that he often emphasises being in control of your life.  No one is in perfect control of their life.  Unexpected things quite often happen to the most organised, successful and positive-minded people – and there is often nothing they can do to prevent it or control it.  Trying to control circumstances is probably one of the biggest causes of anxiety.

Positive minded people don’t go around planning every little detail of their lives – they often trust in others and in life to make things go well for them.  Positive people often allow life to unfold as it does, and as it does, they deal with whatever arises in the moment.  Nevertheless, positive minded people also tend to be a great deal more organised, efficient and self-controlled than negative-minded people.  Therefore, I am inclined to go along with Shad’s Self-Talk statements about being in control of my life – if it means becoming calm, organised, efficient, punctual and self-disciplined.

The Need for Self-Talk – Part 5

An Encyclopaedia of Self-Talk

I remember reading 15 years ago in Shad Helmstetter’s book What-Say-When-Talk-Yourself, that he had been working on compiling an encyclopaedic collection of Self-Talk statements – but I was unable to discover anything further on the matter at the time. But now, thanks to the internet, I was able to find that this collection of Self-Talk had been published in a book called The Self-Talk Solution. This book provides over 2,500 Self-Talk statements that cover a wide range of concepts that are relevant to many, if not all, people. The book was now out of print so I had to order a second-hand copy from the internet.

There is something of a parallel between Self-Talk and The Work: both methods work by listening to, and writing down, your anxious thoughts, typically those you tend to verbalise; then, you question them (with The Work) or make Self-Talk scripts based on them (Self-Talk). So, if you say to yourself, “I hate this job – I never seem to be able to do it right.” You say something that makes it into a positive statement, such as, “I like my job, I am good at what I do and I enjoy the opportunity to utilise my skills and abilities.” I would say that both statements could be just as believable – depending on how a person’s mood at a given moment. But wouldn’t it be good if you could hear yourself speaking that positive Self-Talk everyday – regardless of your mood?

If you think about it – it just takes someone to spend a lot of time on a project to listen to their own negative Self-Talk, the kind of things that we all face in life in one form or another, then write Self-Talk scripts for all of them. That is what, I believe, Shad Helmstetter has done for us through The Self Talk Solution. Despite the different things we all face in life, our negative Self-Talk is typical and often varies rather little from person to person. This is something that Byron Katie has noticed – even thought she travels the world from country to country – she is presented with the same beliefs from person to person.

I will no doubt write and record my own Self-Talk scripts in the future. Even now I can think of some specific circumstances that I would like to focus on. But I do feel that The Self-Talk Solution presents a good, solid stock of Self-Talk scripts that are more than enough to get someone started and well on their way with Self-Talk. In fact, it might be the only set of Self-Talk scripts that you will ever need.

For the last three weeks I have been having fun recording my own voice repeating the Self-Talk scripts from The Self-Talk Solution. I have now recorded 31 Self-Talk scripts, two of which are my own scripts, the rest are from The Self-Talk Solution. I intend to record the next 20 or so scripts in the near future.

I must say that I am surprised at the quality of my recordings and how professional they sound – even with just basic equipment! If I can do it – I’m sure most people can do it as well.

The Lifetime Library of Self-Talk CDs

If you don’t feel comfortable recording your own voice – what you can do is buy The Lifetime Library of Self-Talk CDs from The Self Talk Store on Shad Helmstetter’s website.  This is a set of professionally recorded Self-Talk covering a variety of topics, 32 Self-Talk scripts in all.  This set is normally $199.00, but at the moment they are on special offer at $99.50.  Part of the description says, “No home should be without this incredible, life-changing library of professionally recorded Self-Talk CDs”.  If listening to recorded Self-Talk can really make a difference to a person’s life – then I’m inclined to agree with this statement!  You can check out the various testimonies on his website attesting to the effectiveness of these Self-Talk CDs.

Audacity

I record my own Self-Talk scripts using my computer with a good quality Skype headset and a free software application from the internet called Audacity. Audacity even comes with a range of built-in effects. One of the effects I always use is Normalize – this amplifies and regularises the volume levels in your recording.

Another effect I always use is Gverb, which is a reverb effect. Unfortunately, the default settings for Gverb will make you sound like you are in a sewer! It is necessary to tweak the settings a bit in order to get it right. These settings will give a slight reverb to give your voice to give your recording a nice presence and a professional sound:

Roomsize: 10 m²  Reverb time: 1.5 s  Damping: 0.9  Input bandwidth: 0.75  Dry signal level: 1.5 dB  Early reflection level: -30 dB  Tail level: -30 dB

The Need for Self-Talk – Part 4

The Need for a Wide Range of Self-Talk Scripts

There is another thing that struck me when reading What To Say When You Talk to Yourself recently – the author recounted that while he was using Self-Talk to lose weight, he identified fourteen different areas that he needed to work on to achieve his goal and he made a Self-Talk script for each one. He found that if he was going to lose weight, he would also need to write and use scripts for related areas which influenced his weight. These additional areas and scripts included things such as Self-Esteem and Willpower and Determination.

I personally believe that Shad Helmsetetter stumbled upon something truly significant during this experience: typically, in any area that we would like to change in our lives, there are likely to be various different other issues that also need changing. Perhaps this is another reason why most people’s efforts with affirmations don’t work? It strikes me that something as seemingly innocent as the desire to lose weight, can turn out to be, what I feel, is an opportunity for change in many areas of a person’s life and a way of identifying, and changing, areas of dysfunction that are affecting many areas of your life.

The lesson that I learn from reading about Shad’ experiences with losing weight, is that it is a good idea to use various different Self-Talk scripts that cover a broad spectrum of concepts. I would advise against, for example, singling out one or two particular areas, such as attracting wealth, and focusing on them in isolation.

I personally believe it all comes down to how secure a person is: if a person is negative minded and insecure, it is likely that they need a wide-range of Self-Talk scripts in order to literally rebuild their belief system; whereas, a positive, secure minded individual can probably get away with using specific Self Talk scripts to achieve specific goals, such as losing weight or quitting smoking.

Conditioning and the Formation of Character

Something I learned a few years ago has played a big part in my outlook on life: I believe that everything we experience in life contributes towards our beliefs – whether they be positive or negative. We are literally conditioned on a daily basis, from moment to moment. I believe that if a person is raised by positive, highly motivated and prosperous parents – they will have a positive impression on their offspring. But if a child is raised in poor conditions, that will have significant bearing on the mind of the person as they reach adult life. The effects of this conditioning need not be permanent – but I have struggled all of my life to find suitable solutions to a life lived with a negative mindset.

Many self-help authors seem to agree that the words we speak about ourselves and the words that are spoken to us, about us, make a significant contribution towards establishing our beliefs. Psychologists say that it is our formative years, the first seven years of our lives, which contribute the most towards what we believe about ourselves, the world and other people.

I personally believe that it is crucial from the moment you start primary school at about the age of five, till when you leave senior school at about the age of 16 – that you have developed a solid character with good interpersonal skills, self-confidence and self-esteem. It is the character that you build during your school years that determine how well you will fair in life as an adult.

Some people leave senior school, confident, charged and motivated – ready to take on the challenges that face them as an adult. Meanwhile, there are other people who leave senior school with a low opinion of themselves, feeling defeated already and unwilling to take risks.

I feel that the combination of Inquiry and Self-Talk could present a major breakthrough in the development of a solid character that is able to succeed and prosper in adult life – regardless of the mistakes you made, abuses experienced and opportunities you missed as a youth.

It is easy to see why some people just want to take some sort of short-cut and just use affirmations to attract wealth and power. But it seems that the more insecure a person is – the more naïve they will be and the more likely they will get carried away with unrealistic approaches. But the use of Inquiry together with a wide range of good, balanced, realistic Self-Talk scripts, presents a credible way to regain the positivity and character that you should have developed during your formative years.

The Need for Self-Talk – Part 3

Self-Talk for Self-Esteem

Now that I think about it – everyone needs to hear the kind of encouraging Self-Talk statements that are presented as examples in by Shad Helmstetter’s book – What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. You really cannot leave the responsibility to be told that you are worth something from other people – this is a responsibility that only you can bear. Self-Talk seems to carry the potential to deliver that need in a simple and effective manner.

The Work of Byron Katie deals with the want for approval which is most definitely linked to a low self-esteem. You should question an anxious thought that says, “I need so-and-so’s approval – is it true?” When you reach the turnaround, hopefully, you will see that you don’t need that person’s approval. Nevertheless, I still feel that there is a need to somehow feel wanted, loved and special. This is where I feel Self-Talk could provide the answer.  I’m not entirely sure what contributes towards a good self-esteem, perhaps it is the encouragement and acceptance of others, maybe it is something you have when everything seems to go well in your life.  Whatever makes up self-esteem – it is something that we all need and I believe that positive Self-Talk could be the answer.  After all, you cannot allow the responsibility for your self-esteem to be given to someone else.

Cognitive Dissonance

I recently learned about the concept of Cognitive Dissonance: this is the reaction that the mind has to a new belief. I suppose it is this Cognitive Dissonance that explains much of the reason why the mind often rejects affirmations which try to instil new belief patterns: they are just not consistent with existing beliefs which are deeply entrenched in the subconscious mind. Self-help gurus and hypnotists have come-up with ideas to get around this, chiefly, getting into a relaxed state so that the conscious mind will not reject the new beliefs. Some New Age gurus have presented theories about programming your mind while you sleep or using subliminal messages.

By the way, I feel that The Work is probably the best method I’ve ever used in combating this Cognitive Dissonance, although, it often requires people to be willing to embrace a truth that they may not be comfortable with at first.

Shad Helmstetter argues against the use of hypnotic and subliminal methods with affirmations – he simply argues that conscious Self-Talk is the best method to use.

How to Create Your Own Self-Talk

Basically, you write your affirmations in scripts according to a given topic. There might be about 10 to 12 different affirmations in one script. Examples of these scripts could be, “Build Self-Esteem” and “Willpower and Determination”. Then, you either read these scripts to yourself out loud, or better still, you record them onto tape and play them back to yourself. Each Self-Talk statement should be either read or recorded to tape and should be repeated three times in the first person, followed by once in the third-person i.e. Three times as “I am…” followed by once as “You are…”.  I tend to just record each statement once – then copy the script twice so that I hear myself speaking the statements three times.

The book was first written in 1982, so it makes reference to tape recorders. Of course, nowadays you probably wouldn’t use tape: you would be more likely to use a CD or an MP3. I have started using a small, 1 Gigabyte MP3 player which I stopped using when I bought my high-capacity iPod. I now use this little MP3 purely for Self-Talk. The fact that it is very small means that I can literally carry it anywhere I go. If you use a good pair of modern, noise-cancelling headphones, you can listen to Self-Talk on the train or walking down a busy high-street. Cars now have MP3 players, pretty much as standard, so you can also listen to Self-Talk while driving.

The use of Self-Talk on MP3 is the most convenient way of using it. Through this method, I think a lot of people can quite easily squeeze an hour or two effortlessly re-programming their mind with positive beliefs, while they do other things. I don’t believe that Inquiry has that same level of flexibility. Perhaps persistent Inquiry can have the same effect of re-programming your mind – but it can often be difficult to find the time to do it on a consistent basis.

Self-Talk on MP3 can be applied almost anywhere – even when you are surrounded by other people. It is like having your own personal coach that you carry around with you in your pocket – ready to give you encouragement whenever you need it.

Shad Helmstetter writes in his book that after listening to his own Self-Talk scripts on weight-loss which he recorded onto tape – he lost a significant amount of weight in a relatively short period of time. Here is a video of Shad Helmstetter himself giving a brief introduction to Self-Talk (which includes his weight-loss story): Dr. Shad Helmstetter - "The Story of Self-Talk"

The Need for Self-Talk – Part 2

What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

When I considered what was the best approach to using affirmations, I almost immediately thought of the method described in the bestselling book by Shad Helmstetter – What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. As far as I could recall, I did not remember this author giving way-out, unbelievable testimonies; I did not recall him ever using New Age speak, such as “aligning your vibration with the universe”.

I was curious, so I took another look at the book. It had been about 15 years since I had first read this book and since I had last used secular, self-help affirmations. When I glanced through the book, I was struck by how down-to-earth and practical it all sounded. The author was not trying to urge people to do something unattainable.

Self-Talk for Your Attitude in the Present Moment

Self-Talk seems to work mainly at changing a person’s attitude towards something – something that they typically face in their everyday life in this present moment. Attitude is extremely important because it determines a person’s desires, and desires strongly influence a person’s actions.

There is nothing “magic” about changing your attitude – there is no need to use New Age mumbo-jumbo to approach the subject of making real, lasting changes to yourself and your life. The simple, down-to-earth, practical way that Shad Helmstetter tackles the subject of using affirmations to change your life – has now become very appealing to me.

The affirmations in Shad’s book sounded like pep-talk statements, such as, “I believe in myself, I have what it takes to do the job at hand and to do it well.” I feel that pep-talk statements can be believed by almost anybody. Whatever it is that you do at this moment, you can tell yourself that you are good and capable at doing it. That means that if you are a schoolteacher, accountant, housewife, salesperson, plumber or mechanic – whatever it is that you do – you can believe that you can be good at whatever it is you do.

This does not mean that you should give up your dreams and surrender to a lifetime on a career path that you no longer wish to pursue. But it is important to be able to discern the difference between a realistic, definite aspiration and a whim. I think the more negative minded a person is – the more likely they are to experience, and be swept away by, whims.

Wherever you want to go in life, I believe that the answer is to stick to your current path until a side road presents itself. Until a valid opportunity comes your way, you really have no choice but continue with what you are doing at this moment. Self-Talk can help by dealing with your attitude to what it is that you face right now in this moment. Over you can have a good attitude towards the people and things in your life – or you can have a bad attitude – the choice is yours. Self-Talk can help you make a shift from a bad attitude to a good attitude.

We typically struggle with affirmations that get us focused on something we are not, or do not already have or do. A person who stacks shelves in a supermarket could tell himself all day that he is a doctor – but it won’t make much difference to that person’s life. What will make a difference is investigating what is required to study for becoming a doctor, the cost of it, how the study can be accommodated in your current lifestyle, and so on. Affirmations can help with that, but there is a need to be practical and realistic.

I reached a point whereby I was fed-up with the tall-stories I read in self-help books and heard in mega churches; I got bored and disillusioned with the pep-talks that they would give – it never seemed to make a lasting difference to my life. But as Dr. Helmstetter points out in his book – Self-Talk is more than just a pep-talk because it programs your mind with new, positive beliefs. If that is true – this could be something worth pursuing.

The Need for Self-Talk – Part 1

As I have no doubt repeated time and again on this blog: I believe that The Work of Byron Katie and The Sedona Method are the best self-help methods I have ever used – they are simple to use and you can feel the effect of it straight away. I tend nowadays to favour The Work.

A Lack of Permanent Results

But I have found that after about three years of doing The Work, the anxiety still comes back – even after questioning the same anxious thought numerous times. I value each session of inquiry as no two sessions are exactly the same: I find that I often gain new insight and see things from a slightly different perspective, the second or third time I question a thought. But I have also found that after questioning a persistent anxious thought a few times – the same insight and responses present themselves, time and again.

A little while ago I came up with the brilliant idea of concentrating on questioning my most prolific and stressful thoughts. I reasoned that if I could reach the point of a natural “no” response to question one – then I would experience a significant shift towards a permanent state of peace and joy. But it would seem that as soon as I reached my goal of question-one-no to some of the toughest stressful thoughts – they would emerge again and I would experience hardly any difference to my natural state.

Up until recently I did The Work almost every day: I would do a session of inquiry while in the shower getting ready for work at the office in the morning. Then, I would typically do two inquiry sessions back-to-back when I got home in the evening. I would usually experience the same sense of freedom each time I reached the turnaround; I would also find myself becoming consciously aware of the same things during my sessions as well.

It can be the most bizarre thing to find yourself getting stressed all over again over a belief that you know is not true, a belief that you have already questioned through inquiry several times. It is almost as if your mind develops some sort of amnesia when you experience anxiety, as you find yourself completely losing conscious awareness of the fact that you can indeed have this or that or that you don’t need that thing whatsoever (not in this present moment anyway).

A List of Reminders and Affirmations

The lack of permanent results got me thinking of alternative solutions – something that I could possibly use in conjunction with my inquiry sessions to make its effect more long-lasting. I considered the fact that it was as if I needed to use some sort of quick and easy method of taking the recurring, salient points from my inquiry sessions and reviewing them. Perhaps I could record some of my sessions on a portable voice recorder, listen to them and then make a note of the things that keep on turning up. Then, I could read this list to myself every morning. This method, I reasoned, would be a lot quicker that inquiry and would be almost as effective. After all, it seemed that quite a bit of my inquiry sessions were just repetition and waffle.

It was during this time that it struck me how similar this proposed list of reminders was to affirmations. I had dabbled with affirmations in the past – just like most self-help advocates. I remember getting off to an enthusiastic start with affirmations, but then my enthusiasm trailed-off as it seemed like it was not working. Like many other people who have used affirmations, I tried to believe and attract all sorts of outrageous things. I suppose it did not help when most self-help gurus were in the habit of giving people way-out, miraculous testimonies.

I think it’s worse for charismatic Christians, because there are always evangelists who give them pep-talks based on some miraculous event in the Bible – such as Jesus walking on the water or Moses parting the Red Sea.

It goes without saying that I was now rather reluctant to return to affirmations. This led me to really think about why affirmations did not work – much of this pondering of mine went into the Why Affirmations Don’t Work series on this blog, which I have grouped together under the affirmations tag.

The Need for Inquiry – Part 2

I have been using inquiry through The Work of Byron Katie for almost three years now. I am amazed at the way in which inquiry seems to work for me every time, in that by the time I reach the turnaround, I experience a release from stress and the knowledge of the truth (whether or not I really wanted to hear that truth before I started asking the four questions). The only times that inquiry has not worked are when I have been drinking alcohol or when I’m very tired – but that is what you would expect anyway.

Inquiry – the Ultimate in Self-Realisation

I am convinced that inquiry is the ultimate method for establishing a conscious awareness of the truth from within. It is this awareness of the truth which can change a person’s beliefs, attitudes, and desires and ultimately their actions and behaviour – it all starts with what we think and believe. Who would have thought that our very own anxious thoughts provide us with everything we need in order to know our own mind and thoughts intimately and to find our own way out of the complex web of lies in which we have been caught-up in for so many years of our lives? You could say that inquiry is the ultimate in self-realisation.

Platitudes

For decades, self-help and spiritual gurus have written scores of books which tell people who they should think, feel, and behave in certain situations. All of this teaching has been well intended, but most of it doesn’t work. The reason for this is that a lot of it operates on the basis of giving a person a platitude and expecting them to do something with it. Such platitudes could include telling people to not get angry when someone provokes them or to do something nice for someone you love.

Changing Beliefs

What we believe establishes our attitude, which determines our feelings or desires, which in turn give rise to our actions or behaviour. So if you want to change your life, you need to change your beliefs.

It was around 1994 when I first read the book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr Joseph Murphy. This book changed my perspective towards my mind and my life when I first read it. It made so much sense to me that I had a conscious mind and a subconscious mind; our feelings and behaviour is governed largely by the beliefs we hold in our subconscious mind; and the beliefs we have in our conscious mind and subconscious mind can become significantly out of synch. This explained to me why I would find myself habitually doing the things I didn’t want to do, whilst struggling to do the things I wanted to do.

For many years now affirmations have been seen as the main way to change the beliefs we have in the subconscious mind. I remember when I first started to use affirmations about fifteen years ago. I got off to an enthusiastic start but then my efforts seem to wane. Like any other new habit such as eating healthily or keeping fit, I would go in predictable cycles of making a spurt of effort, putting it off to another day, before then forgetting about it until a few weeks or months later. I can’t honestly say that during that time I saw any significant change to my life.

Word of Faith

I eventually gave up on affirmations and self-help as I became more engrossed in Christianity. During the early "noughties" I became rather obsessive about Christian Word of Faith (also known by its critics as “Name it and Claim it”), particularly the teaching of Kenneth E. Hagin. Word of Faith is like a Christian equivalent of The Secret and The Law of Attraction. The whole idea behind W.O.F. is that if it is written in the Bible – you can have it. So if someone from ancient times middle-east was blessed by God with lavish wealth – you can have it too because it is written in the Bible. Obviously this system is abusive, misleading and does not work. I eventually started coming out of W.O.F. after about five years.

The Need for Inquiry – Part 1

I have been using releasing for three years now and inquiry for two and a half years. During this time I have come to see releasing as an effective, instantaneous, on-the-spot stress reliever; it is more than that actually in that it also provides a means of straightening-out my beliefs and attitudes, by showing me the degree to which the core wants play a part in my thinking. But I would say that it was the use of inquiry through The Work of Byron Katie, which provided me with the most effective way of questioning my beliefs that I had ever experienced. That is not to say that The Work is necessarily better than The Sedona Method – I am simply stating my own preferences and experiences, whilst keeping an open mind.

The Familiar Human Condition

I have found that when I use inquiry the same issues arise a lot of the time. Not every session of inquiry is the same and I often encounter something new that I didn’t know before; which is one of the reasons why inquiry is so amazing. Nevertheless, it seems that no matter what belief I seem to question, whether it is being stuck in a traffic jam or I am reading about the economic situation in the newspaper – inquiry seems to get me into that place deep within me that seems to be the source of all the dysfunction in my life. Despite our cultural and religious differences, it seems that human beings are very much the same in the way they think and react to certain situations. Psychology has sought to make an exact science out of this the way in which the mind behaves in lawful and predictable ways.

Byron Katie has remarked in the past on the way in which she has found that no matter where she takes The Work in the world – the same beliefs arise time and again. A couple could be in a war torn country with bombs and bullets flying everywhere, but the same beliefs express themselves: my husband should love me more; my wife shouldn’t nag so much and so on. So it seems that there is some benefit in hearing other people doing The Work – even people with from different countries with different socio-economic backgrounds.

So it seems that there is something of a common theme behind all the underlying dysfunction in the mind of man which seems to create so much stress and turmoil in life. It is this predictability that has caused self-help and spiritual gurus to establish so-called cure-all formulas for this common human dilemma. But of course, we all know that despite the incredible popularity, fame and fortune these gurus attain – a lot of people find that their methods simply do not work.

The Need to Inquire Within

I think one of the reasons why these self-help and spiritual principles and formulas do not work, is because there is a need to take responsibility for your own life, be allowed to make mistakes (and learn from them), develop and mature in your own time and to see what works (and doesn’t work) for yourself. What I like about The Work is that it is not a set of principles and formulas that you must follow in order to be happy and successful: The Work is more like a framework within which you ask yourself questions and tune-in to that part of you that has the answers and knows what’s best for you – rather than looking to some guru to tell you what you should or should not do.

Inquiry is gentle, patient and kind – inquiry does not make demands and push unreasonable expectations on yourself. Inquiry accepts where you are in life right now, it doesn’t make excuses, but rather, accepts responsibility for who you are and where you are and seeks freedom from stressful thoughts. It is in this freedom that you are able to make the decisions that are the best for you in this moment.

Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 22

Focus on the Here and Now

What some people tend to forget is that it takes more than focusing on a desired end result in order for a desired goal to manifest itself: it is all about what goes on between now and the final destination; it is all about the journey we take, the decisions we make along the way, our willpower, confidence, patience and determination; how good we are at making decisions; being open minded enough to spot good opportunities; and how good we get along with other people.

Let us not underestimate that last point: how good we get along with other people. If someone is selfish and unpleasant to get along with – they are unlikely to find happiness and fulfilment in life – even if they otherwise do achieve something substantial. I find that it is the people who have good personalities, who are willing to humble themselves and who make a habit of putting others first, who seem to get ahead of the rest in this life. The formation of character in the here-and-now, everyday life situations, is much more important than reaching some sort of idealistic future.

For me, my focus has gravitated from attracting specific titles, bank balances and “big ticket items” - to developing character, changing my nature: changing who I am on the inside rather than attracting something from the outside; I choose now to look within myself, rather than outside of myself for fulfilment.

It is exhausting to have to attract or claim every little thing you think you need in life – it is like having to submit a form every time you want to pay a bill, find a job, and seek a spouse or whatever. Wouldn’t it be so much better to simply attain, and maintain, the kind of disposition that cooperates with the natural flow of life and naturally attracts those things that you need in life at the right time – without having to coax and manipulate those things?

Why Affirmations Don’t Work – Part 21

The Need for Peace of Mind

I think when it comes to money the best thing in the world you can do is to not worry about it. In fact, I would say that this concept applies to everything in life. There is a natural order and flow to life, things happen around us and good things come into our lives, oftentimes, without us even having to do anything for it, without doing anything to deserve it, without thinking about it and certainly without having to claim it or attract it.

It is for this reason why inquiry is so effective: inquiry does not seek to claim things from God or attract things from the Universe – inquiry seeks to maintain peace of mind which is our optimum state of being. When your mind is at peace, free from worry, you are better able to make good decisions and to live without all of that stuff that you think you can’t live without.

A lack of money is a classic symptom of a myriad of issues in a person’s life – all of which can be traced down to the way they think. If a person struggles financially, it could be indicative of a lack of confidence leading to unwillingness to take risks; it could point to a disorganised mind that forgets things easily and makes silly mistakes.

So when it comes to having more money – I would say that what most people really need is peace of mind, confidence, happiness, contentment, intuition, balance and good self-esteem. It seems to me that most affirmation-based systems do not encourage these things – perhaps it is because they don’t seem to “sell” very well?

With the pursuit of money, job titles and salary figures comes a staunch effort-and-reward mentality that can result in a rather bitter, competitive mindset that does nothing more than enlist you in the rat-race of life.

I am a Christian and I know all the things that put people off Christianity and I accept that. But I must say that there is an exquisite beauty in the Words of Jesus in Matthew Chapter 6:

²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

²⁸ So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;

²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

³¹ Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:26-34 nkjv

I like The Message translation, which is a modern paraphrase, of Matthew 6:26, “Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.” Isn’t that what happens with a lot of people? They become tied down to job description?

But don’t take my word for it – do The Work for yourself and find the truth inside of you. But I hope you can see that without inquiry you have nothing to question your most pressing wants – nothing to bring a vital balance to your mind. Without inquiry, if you are prone to anxiety, you are likely to go off on a tangent, using affirmations to get what you want - the end result of this is inevitably disappointment, frustration and a conviction that affirmations don’t work.