I Need…I’ll Never…

Ever since I found that one inquiry session with a particular belief is usually not enough to affect a significant change – I’ve been trying various different ways of scheduling my Inquiry sessions.

I find that I can effectively do two Inquiry sessions, back-to-back. Therefore, what I find works rather well is doing one Inquiry session in the morning and two back-to-back session in the evening. Like anything else in life, Inquiry is one of those things that has to be done regularly in order to see results. I’ve tried “marathon” sessions of The Work during week-ends, but I found it exhausting – but I know I can stick with 3 sessions a day.

Like any other Self-Help method and good habit, I sometimes miss sessions and get out of the habit of using Inquiry. But I’m convinced of the power and simplicity of The Work now, so not too much time goes by without me using Inquiry.

I’ve experimented with “round-robin” methods of Inquiry: questioning certain beliefs on one day, another set of beliefs the next day and so on. But what I’m doing at the moment is focusing on questioning three different beliefs, but focusing on a different aspect of those beliefs on alternate days.

Let me explain further: on one day I question a belief from the aspect that I’ll never have it, then the next day I focus on the aspect of whether I need that thing. I find that I need and I’ll never are both two sides of the same coin, so to speak.

When I believe that I’ll never have a certain thing, I lose conscious awareness of the fact that I’ve experienced the same, or similar things in the past; I forget in that moment that good things have happened to me, that I have some good things right now and that I’ve made good decisions in the past. When I inquire into a belief using I’ll never, my heart reminds me of times in my life when good things did happen and I made decisions that turned out well for me.

I’ll never or I can’t comes from a sense of despair, guilt and regret. Inquiry can bring a person out of this sense of despair and into a state of hope, as they realise that they can indeed have that thing. This is not fantasy, it is not about claiming or attracting things that we think we need – it is about maintaining optimism and hope – it’s about believing in the best for yourself.

I need comes from a sense of lacking security and acceptance: the belief that I am not whole, lovable and effective, just as I am right now. I need affirms that I need something in order to be happy, safe and accepted by others. When anxiously hold onto the desire for something that I think will make me happy – I at once move away from the certainty that I am love, I am complete and that I have everything that I need in this moment.

When I cling to I need – I look to other people, achievement and material things to fulfil me, instead of embracing the fulfilment of the incredible person I am in this moment.

In order to address an anxious thought from more than one perspective, try asking I need and I’ll never…

Byron Katie Quotes

Byron Kathleen Mitchell, or Byron Katie as she is better known, was born on the 6th of December, 1942 in the U.S.A. Her published books include "Loving What Is", "I Need Your Love—Is That True?", "Question Your Thinking, Change the World", and "A Thousand Names for Joy: A Guide to Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are".

Byron Katie is known the most for the simple process of self-inquiry which she calls “The Work”. This process is four questions followed by what is known as a “turnaround”. This process is an effective way of finding freedom from stressful thoughts. You can find out more at this link: http://thework.com

Here are some popular quotes by Byron Katie:

• "Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don't have to like it... it's just easier if you do."
• "All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment."
• "The miracle of love comes to you in the presence of the un-interpreted moment. If you are mentally somewhere else, you miss real life."
• "Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them"
• "Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn't need to happen."
• "When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time."
• "All the advice you ever gave your partner is for you to hear"
• "As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise."
• "A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years."
• "When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart, your Work is done."
• "Whatever it takes for you to find your freedom, that's what you've lived."
• "If you put your hand into a fire, does anyone have to tell you to move it? Do you have to decide? No: When your hand starts to burn, it moves. You don’t have to direct it; the hand moves itself. In the same way, once you understand, through inquiry, that an untrue thought causes suffering, you move away from it."
• "Don't be careful. You could hurt yourself."
• "Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing has ever happened that didn't need to happen."
• "Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector—mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise."
• "Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it—that you are it."
• "You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to to suffer."
• “If I think that someone else is causing my problem, I’m insane.”
• “There is only one problem, ever: your un-investigated story in the moment.”
• “If our thinking is clear, how could work or money be the problem? Our thinking is all we need to change.”
• “I don't let go of concepts - I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.”